Recently Discovered Shark Dubbed 'Ninja Lanternshark' Can Glow In The Dark, Kill Without Warning

December 29, 2015


This is the Ninja Lanternshark, a recently discovered species of lanternshark found off the Pacific coast of Central America. The small (up to 50cm, ~20-inches), all-black shark lives in the deep sea and has bioluminescent skin that can glow a faint green to attract mates or confuse prey. Or maybe they just feel like being flashy, like when I wear sequins. "When do you wear sequins?" Please, when am I NOT wearing sequins? "Now?" Okay you got me, but only because I am currently, how do I put this delicately, naked as the day after I was born (I was born wearing a tank top and trucker hat). So yeah, I'm all out there right now. Should I go on? "Please don't." I'm great for using to do body shots because my belly button holds 2 ounces.

Thanks to Jesus Candle, who I may or may not have accidentally left burning when I went to work this morning.

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