Not How I Want To Go: Man Dies Trying To Rob Condom Vending Machine With Explosives

December 30, 2015

condom-machine-robbery-death.jpg

A man in Schoeppingen, Germany, has died after he and two associates tries to rob a condom vending machine by blowing it up with explosives. I'm going to be honest, I thought robbing condom vending machines was a one-man job. Apparently he was hit in the head by a piece of debris from the machine and later died at the hospital. Thank God his accomplices tried to cover for him:

The two men told hospital officials that their friend had fallen down the stairs, injuring his head. Suspicious of their story, the officials called the police.


During questioning, police said, one of them admitted that the three had blown up the condom machine, and that their cohort was hit in the head by metal as he tried to take cover from the explosion.

Ah yes, the old 'he fell down the stairs' story. Always believable. So, do you think they were after the money or the condoms? Because it would suck to be so worried about getting an STD that you try to rob a condom vending machine and die in the explosion. When reached for comment about the tragedy, his accomplices insisted his last words were, "safe sex." Also, "this was all my idea my friends had nothing to do with it you should really let them go."

Thanks to Ed, who's never been injured by a vending machine before, and doesn't plan on starting now.

  • jaunkst

    At least he was smart enough not to reproduce. *bah bum tsssh*

  • Billy Rocka

    Gives new meaning to blow job...

  • Leeroy

    I think this story proves explosives are a far better birth control method than condoms.

  • Zachary Zarko

    So the guy could afford explosives, but he couldn't afford condoms?

    Why didn't he blow up an ATM instead?

    How was he smart enough to blow stuff up, but too dumb to take cover?

  • Michael Knight

    right? how much do condoms cost in germany???

  • Nico Horst

    not much really, I think it was about the money in the machine, but I don't believe that there are more than 200€ in it...
    But natural selection is working just fine.

  • squall_loire

    Sad fact is that you need neither money nor intelligence to make explosives. Anyone with access to the internet and a kitchen could do it.

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