200-Year Old Giant Salamander Found In Chinese Cave

December 15, 2015


Giant salamander? That's a Pokemon.

This is a short video of the estimated 200-year old giant salamander found in a cave Chongqing, China. The amphibian measures over four and a half feet long and weighs some 115 pounds. For reference, the biggest salamander I've ever caught was about seven inches long and weighed less than my pinky finger. "How do you know what your pinky finger weighs?" Because it is not a part of me anymore. It weighs even less now than it died because it is DRIED UP. Obviously, I had to modify my typing style. The moral of this story is that this salamander was found in a cave, which shouldn't surprise anybody because if you're looking for something old, you're probably gonna find it living in a cave. Just ask the old witch who lives in the mountain cave above my cabin. "Ask her what?" Ask her if she has any penisfruit, I need some for a potion. Don't tell her it's for me though, she won't give it to you if she knows its for me because we're not on the best terms right now. "What happened?" Let's just say she's into young wizards and I always wanted to make out with an 800-year old. "And?" And I broke her heart and stole her most powerful spellbook.

Keep going for a short video of the thing walking around doing its thing.

Thanks to me, for putting up with myself everyday. It isn't easy.

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