Say It Ain't So: Golden Girl Faced Granny Underwears

November 30, 2015

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This is the custom made Golden Girl underwear set available from Etsy Seller Bulletsandbees. $160 gets all four old ladies, or you can buy them individually for $40 - $52 apiece. The Blanche ones are the most expensive though because they're fancy yellow lace and CROTCHLESS. Honestly, all this talk of Golden Girls and underwear has left me feeling a little uneasy. I'd have to say of all the things I'd hope to see when a girl takes her pants off, a Golden Girl is right up there with my own high school yearbook photo (the one with braces and my eyes closed).

Keep going for a couple more shots in case you're on of those people who likes looking at old lady underwear.

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Thanks to Carolyn, who's holding out for a hip line of Sex In The City character underwear. I'm holding out for Rosanne.

  • Jay Seldon

    Hmmm....how did that Lonely Island song go....I just jizz in my pants!!

  • RetroPAT

    If my GF wants a night off...she just has the wear one of those and voila...no more "i have a headache" or "im tired"...just slip on one of these and my boner will retract like a frightened turtle. But Shhhhhh don't tell her.

  • Jenness

    If GW had said "fat rolls" instead of "penis" no one would have said anything. Suck it up buttercups - most people don't get off to you. Big whooop.

    It's called life. Most people would never bang you. Get. Over. It. It's not "phobic" to have sexual preferences. If you are allowed to say "I totally only get off to gay dudes that look like Ryan Gosling" then GW can say "I only like vagina".

    If you don't like that well then let me watch you masturbate to naked photos of Rosie O'Donnell w/no make up squatting over a toilet - since no one is allowed to have preferences anymore then scream you are a lesbian phobic asshole because you can't get a hard on to that.

    You are really only "hot" to the most people when you are 1) 16-23 yrs old and 2) not too skinny, not too fat; 3) have parents that pay for cosmetic enhancements i.e. braces, zit cremes, generic "in" clothes and generic "in" hairstyles and 4) aren't unique in a way that cool kids might bully you.

    After that age the rest of your life is weeding it down to the one person who finds your overbite, weird chin, unfortunate hair, diabetes, scars, sexual orientation, race, gender, etc. good enough to bang and has a personality you can stand.

  • TheQiwiMan

    "let me watch you masturbate to naked photos of Rosie O'Donnell w/no make up squatting over a toilet"- that is literally my #1 fetish. Get out of my head, Jenness.

    (and into my car)

  • Ooo! I want Betty White staring out of my crotch. That's sure to bring all the guys running.

    Also, crotchless panties are pointless. The crotch is the main reason to wear panties - may as well go commando (again) otherwise.

  • TheQiwiMan

    That's why I wear nothing BUT crotches.

    Crotches for miles.

  • Rookbrains

    "I'd have to say of all the things I'd hope to see when a girl takes her
    clothes off, a Golden Girl staring back at me is right up there with a
    penis."

    Come on, we don't need transphobia here. I've followed you for years, GW. I have Geekologie as my homepage. And this has really fucking dissapointed me. Come on, dude - you can do better than this.

  • Kaizer Chief

    I'm Marilyn Manson, and I had my dick burned off in a terrible motorcycle accident. I find any references to any kind of genitalia to be deeply offensive. Come on, GW, how could you stoop so low? Some men and women don't have penises OR vaginas, and this kind of "joke" could really mess them up for a lifetime.

    I've been reading this site for like 10 years (since the original Hedonistica days), and this is the first time I'm disappointed in you, GW.

  • TheQiwiMan

    "I'd have to say of all the things I'd hope to see when a girl takes her clothes off, a Golden Girl staring back at me is right up there with a penis."

    This is the language of a HETEROSEXUAL MAN, nothing trans-phobic about it. If he had added "-then I'd hate and/or fear the person that tricked me into looking at their penis!" -you might have a point, but he didn't.

    If the very existence of heterosexuality is enough to make you feel threatened and offended, you're the one with the problem.

  • Rookbrains

    *sighs* This is going to keep on going, isn't it?

    Lets try some basic education. Some women have penises. Some men like women. Some men are attracted to women, of all different body types. Some men are attacted to women with vulva's, women with penises, or women with any genital configuration. Some men are attracted to just women with dark hair. Some men are attacted to women who are australian. Some men are attacted to women with penises.

    All these men are heterosexual. Why? The key bit is that all of them are attracted to women.

    To insist that all women have vulva's is transphobic. To react to the body of a woman with a penis with disgust or fear is transphobic.

    I really shouldn't have to say this, but I'm certainly not threatened or offended by the existence of heterosexuality. I AM, however, offended and threaten by the existence of things such as transphobia, misogny, transmisogny, homophobia, biphobia, and other such shitty things.

  • TheQiwiMan

    Rookbrains- Why do you think being offended magically gives your opinions any merit? I have to take you seriously because you take offense at something? Please. What a childish opinion. No matter how loudly you scream your asinine opinions, no matter how hilariously condescending your tone, it doesn't make you one iota more 'right', it just shows you have the mentality of a spoiled child, and are willing to throw a temper tantrum in the sad belief it will somehow change objective reality. Nope. Reality doesn't work that way. Scream about gravity being a social construct designed by white male cis-gender privilege while you jump off a cliff, see if reality will bend to your pathetic bullying tactics. :-)

    Your "basic education" would be laughable to anyone who values reality if it weren't so pathetic. It's your religion, good for you, feel free to believe whatever stupid anti-reality religion you want, just don't crap your pants when I write you off as a sad little brainwashed idiot, because ... well.... it's a huge load of crap.

    Here's some education based on, you know, REALITY. There are 2 sexes, male and female (Men and women). There are some men who want to be called women, there are some women who want to be called men, they even mutilate their bodies in an attempt to make the physical look like their internal desires say their bodies should look. Good for them, I sincerely hope it makes them happy. But it doesn't change their sex. Not unless they can replace all those pesky XX chromosomes to XY or vice-versa. No amount of hormones ingested or bodies sliced and diced can do that.

    Am I advocating we should be jerks to these people, or fear them? Of course not. Am I saying they are somehow less than human? Nope. They are every bit as precious to our human race as everyone else. Everyone deserves human dignity, no matter what stupid anti-reality religion they choose to believe. But pretending a man is a woman or vice-versa isn't magically noble, it's just seeking to embrace a fantasy and seeking to redefine the very definition of words. I can love and respect my trans-gender brothers and sisters, whether they're male or female, without self flagellation at my unholy sin of being a heterosexual male who thinks reality exists, and guess what? I can accept them for who they are and love and respect them without pretending they are the opposite sex of what their chromosomes say they are.

    So keep preaching your silly religion all you want, using your smug condescending style till your teeth fall out of your arrogant face for all I care, and I'll keep pitying you brainwashed simpletons, and we can all agree to not push our blind beliefs onto each other through bullying tactics. Agreed?

    Sounds fair to me!
    :-)

  • dougfunnay

    no women do not have penises
    and men do not have vaginas
    some men who feel like women and like to identify as such have penises
    nothing wrong with that
    pretty fucked up to try contorting reality to the point that whatever you want to be the truth is though

    if i identify as a god damned dinosaur that does not mean i am actually a dinosaur
    it would be nice to treat me like a dinosaur
    but still you can run a dna test and i do not have the genetics of a dinosaur

    and a surprised and not so happy reaction would be expected if someone is expecting to sleep with a dinosaur and i take off my clothes to reveal that im a mongoose

    (and no im not trying to insinuate that trans people are dinosaurs or mongeese or anything else equally insane i can already see you cooking up as a deflective measure)

  • Geekologie

    i changed it, but in no way was this meant to be viewed as transphobic

  • Thank you for updating the post. As cis people, often when we are transphobic, it is unintentional. The more trans people we hear from and get to know, the more we can start to check our privilege and assumptions. This comments section is a bit terrifying, but please know that changing harmful language and learning as we go along truly does make a difference in the lives of others.

  • Jenness

    You should not have changed that for the .0001% of humorless pseudo-offended trolls.

  • Rookbrains

    Thank you GW. I knew it wasn't intentional, and there's a hell of a lot of us 'Perpetually Offended' that really appreciate someone taking a moment to swap some terminolgy.
    I'm not a person who is attracted to people with penises, but I'd never look at a female person with a penis with anything like horror. The hurt that sort of shit can inflict can last a lifetime.

  • TheQiwiMan

    Or you sad little children throwing temper tantrums to force your stupid beliefs onto others could, you know, grow the hell up too, that's always an option.

  • dougfunnay

    fuck off we all got problems

  • James Mcelroy

    Seriously GW? Seriously? You did nothing wrong, and now you've been trolled. Way to go. Reputation -1000

  • TheQiwiMan

    Don't let the Perpetually Offended win! You were the Chosen One!

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