Say It Ain't So: Golden Girl Faced Granny Underwears

November 30, 2015

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This is the custom made Golden Girl underwear set available from Etsy Seller Bulletsandbees. $160 gets all four old ladies, or you can buy them individually for $40 - $52 apiece. The Blanche ones are the most expensive though because they're fancy yellow lace and CROTCHLESS. Honestly, all this talk of Golden Girls and underwear has left me feeling a little uneasy. I'd have to say of all the things I'd hope to see when a girl takes her pants off, a Golden Girl is right up there with my own high school yearbook photo (the one with braces and my eyes closed).

Keep going for a couple more shots in case you're on of those people who likes looking at old lady underwear.

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Thanks to Carolyn, who's holding out for a hip line of Sex In The City character underwear. I'm holding out for Rosanne.

  • Jay Seldon

    Hmmm....how did that Lonely Island song go....I just jizz in my pants!!

  • RetroPAT

    If my GF wants a night off...she just has the wear one of those and voila...no more "i have a headache" or "im tired"...just slip on one of these and my boner will retract like a frightened turtle. But Shhhhhh don't tell her.

  • Jenness

    If GW had said "fat rolls" instead of "penis" no one would have said anything. Suck it up buttercups - most people don't get off to you. Big whooop.

    It's called life. Most people would never bang you. Get. Over. It. It's not "phobic" to have sexual preferences. If you are allowed to say "I totally only get off to gay dudes that look like Ryan Gosling" then GW can say "I only like vagina".

    If you don't like that well then let me watch you masturbate to naked photos of Rosie O'Donnell w/no make up squatting over a toilet - since no one is allowed to have preferences anymore then scream you are a lesbian phobic asshole because you can't get a hard on to that.

    You are really only "hot" to the most people when you are 1) 16-23 yrs old and 2) not too skinny, not too fat; 3) have parents that pay for cosmetic enhancements i.e. braces, zit cremes, generic "in" clothes and generic "in" hairstyles and 4) aren't unique in a way that cool kids might bully you.

    After that age the rest of your life is weeding it down to the one person who finds your overbite, weird chin, unfortunate hair, diabetes, scars, sexual orientation, race, gender, etc. good enough to bang and has a personality you can stand.

  • TheQiwiMan

    "let me watch you masturbate to naked photos of Rosie O'Donnell w/no make up squatting over a toilet"- that is literally my #1 fetish. Get out of my head, Jenness.

    (and into my car)

  • Ooo! I want Betty White staring out of my crotch. That's sure to bring all the guys running.

    Also, crotchless panties are pointless. The crotch is the main reason to wear panties - may as well go commando (again) otherwise.

  • TheQiwiMan

    That's why I wear nothing BUT crotches.

    Crotches for miles.

  • Rookbrains

    "I'd have to say of all the things I'd hope to see when a girl takes her
    clothes off, a Golden Girl staring back at me is right up there with a
    penis."

    Come on, we don't need transphobia here. I've followed you for years, GW. I have Geekologie as my homepage. And this has really fucking dissapointed me. Come on, dude - you can do better than this.

  • Kaizer Chief

    I'm Marilyn Manson, and I had my dick burned off in a terrible motorcycle accident. I find any references to any kind of genitalia to be deeply offensive. Come on, GW, how could you stoop so low? Some men and women don't have penises OR vaginas, and this kind of "joke" could really mess them up for a lifetime.

    I've been reading this site for like 10 years (since the original Hedonistica days), and this is the first time I'm disappointed in you, GW.

  • TheQiwiMan

    "I'd have to say of all the things I'd hope to see when a girl takes her clothes off, a Golden Girl staring back at me is right up there with a penis."

    This is the language of a HETEROSEXUAL MAN, nothing trans-phobic about it. If he had added "-then I'd hate and/or fear the person that tricked me into looking at their penis!" -you might have a point, but he didn't.

    If the very existence of heterosexuality is enough to make you feel threatened and offended, you're the one with the problem.

  • Rookbrains

    *sighs* This is going to keep on going, isn't it?

    Lets try some basic education. Some women have penises. Some men like women. Some men are attracted to women, of all different body types. Some men are attacted to women with vulva's, women with penises, or women with any genital configuration. Some men are attracted to just women with dark hair. Some men are attacted to women who are australian. Some men are attacted to women with penises.

    All these men are heterosexual. Why? The key bit is that all of them are attracted to women.

    To insist that all women have vulva's is transphobic. To react to the body of a woman with a penis with disgust or fear is transphobic.

    I really shouldn't have to say this, but I'm certainly not threatened or offended by the existence of heterosexuality. I AM, however, offended and threaten by the existence of things such as transphobia, misogny, transmisogny, homophobia, biphobia, and other such shitty things.

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