This is Simone Giertz's Wake Up Machine, an alarm clock that slaps you in the face with a rubber hand until you turn it off. Granted it's not the most professionally made machine, which explains why Simone's hair starts gets tangled in the spinner. Still, the concept is there. Me? I wake up the old fashioned way: with the farmer I work for pouring a cold bucket of water on my head and telling me the cows aren't going to milk themselves. By the time you're driving to work I've already had my hands on like sixty udders, and my mouth on at least four. That said, replace that rubber arm with a floppy purple dildo and you've got yourself a buyer.
Keep going for the video (although skip to 3:20 unless you want to watch the build), as well as videos of Simone's previous two inventions (the cereal-feeding machine and tooth-brushing machine), both of which work about as well as this one (although the toothbrush machine looks like it's got some potential).
Thanks to James, who's allegedly trained his body to wake up when he wants it to although I suspect he's lying and late for work everyday.