I'm Up, I'm Up!: Homemade Alarm Clock Slaps You Awake

November 13, 2015


This is Simone Giertz's Wake Up Machine, an alarm clock that slaps you in the face with a rubber hand until you turn it off. Granted it's not the most professionally made machine, which explains why Simone's hair starts gets tangled in the spinner. Still, the concept is there. Me? I wake up the old fashioned way: with the farmer I work for pouring a cold bucket of water on my head and telling me the cows aren't going to milk themselves. By the time you're driving to work I've already had my hands on like sixty udders, and my mouth on at least four. That said, replace that rubber arm with a floppy purple dildo and you've got yourself a buyer.

Keep going for the video (although skip to 3:20 unless you want to watch the build), as well as videos of Simone's previous two inventions (the cereal-feeding machine and tooth-brushing machine), both of which work about as well as this one (although the toothbrush machine looks like it's got some potential).

Thanks to James, who's allegedly trained his body to wake up when he wants it to although I suspect he's lying and late for work everyday.

  • TheQiwiMan

    When I saw that rotating bit so close to her long hair I was worried, then saw my worries confirmed.

    "F*** this robot, big time" - well..... she'd get a lot more views, that's for sure!

  • Jenness

    This has BDSM porn written all over it

  • TheQiwiMan

    Technically anything can have BDSM porn written all over it to he who has access to a Sharpie.

  • I think I'll stick to being awoken by my boyfriend pestering me for sex.

  • TheQiwiMan

    He wakes you up? That is so not cool. Sleep is sacred. He's boyfriend-ing wrong.

  • shashi

    Or the dog having sex with the bed (or the cat eating my goddam face IM NOT DEAD IM JUST LAZY)

  • MustacheHam

    Seems weirder for me to get that type of alarm clock.

  • Who doesn't love a good old ham slap in the morning?

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