US Parents Naming Their Kids After Guns Is On The Rise

September 4, 2015


Because a lot of the people having kids are the ones who shouldn't be redneck yokels, there has been a significant increase in the number of children born in the US being named after guns. Obviously, I am going to name my firstborn Laser Blaster Pew Pew, especially if it's a girl.

Most popular of all is Gunner, which was given to more than 1,500 babies in the US last year.

Lance is an old-school choice, but has been increasingly joined by Mace, Blade, Saw and Dagger...

Also on the rise in the US - a nation which has seen significant gun violence this year - for baby boys are Trigger, Shooter, Caliber, Magnum and Pistol. There has also been a rise in the use of gun manufacturers such as Barrett, Remington, Kimber, Ruger, Wesson, Browning, Benelli and Beretta.

Meanwhile, five little boys were named Danger last year. Even blunter were the 11 named Arson and nine called Chaos.

Arson? Chaos? Blade? Saw? Dagger? That is kind of mindblowing. I want to meet the parents that are naming their kids these things. And then-- "Sterilize them?" What? No. I was gonna say ask them to give me a cool nickname.

Thanks to MMMmartin, whose name I said in my mind like I just ate a delicious bite of something.

  • Mr.4maldehyde

    "And this here boy is named Trigger, cause his momma's so smart, she knows triggernometry."

  • The Chadwick


  • El Guapo

    Arson? Chaos? Sounds like Occupy Wall Street.

  • Benelli? Beretta? Sounds like a coupla damn foreigners to me!

  • Dave R

    Gunner is a traditional Nordic name which predates firearms. Can be a boy or girl name.

  • Emmitt Morgans

    Why not just name your child "Penis" and make sure there's no doubt of your envy?

    And isn't "Danger" exclusively a middle name...?

  • Thomas Jackson

    I do prefer the traditional names, CaAndi, Chetiqua, Cloteal,
    Curly Top, Darhies, Dayphine,
    Debrasharme, Derecio, Dertiteriesa,
    Dikueria and Dikuria (twins), Dildree, Dishon,
    Dovanna, Duanita, Dyiamond, Dwendolyn,
    Effillyne, Elizabeth Taylor, Endrissa,
    Equandolyn, Esaw, Everage, Floyce,
    Franshawn, Ghia, Godzilla Pimp, Ivier,
    Jartavious, JyesahJhnai, Keithen, Kentnilla,
    Lafondra, La,poo (yes, contains comma), Latronia,
    Lemonjello and Orangejello (twins), L'Tonya,
    Machoda, Nau-Quia, Mayima, Minute,
    Miquel, Nethel, Omnipotence, Ondra (pronounced Andre),
    Ozro, Padraic, Pecola, Phe-anjoy, Precious Unique,
    Queen Esther, Quithreaun, Rincesetta, Sanja,
    Saranus, Shanieja, Sharicus, Shiquipa, SiJourna'i,
    Silquia, Sinetra, Summer Love, Termicka, Tequilla,
    Timphanie, Tryphenia, Tywana, Tzaddi and Tzavvi (twins),
    Ulheric, Undlia, Undrea (pronounced Andre), Wsam,
    Xiomara, XL, Yaw, Yuvodka Sharice, Wilida, Zaquan, Zufan, Zyneene

  • Josh

    I hope the parents that named their kids Magnum were actually going for a Zoolander reference.

  • Eastwood Ravine

    Danger is my midd - first name! !!

  • Rick Thomas

    When you said naming the kids after guns, I thought you meant Winchester or Glock.

  • randalator

    Good news for all HR departments. Hiring qualified people will get so much easier when you don't even have to bother reading through an application because the name on the front already spells "don't hire, for the love god, don't hire"...

  • ShartInYourJacuzzi

    The nra has taught me that the only solution to any gun related problem is: more guns. These people simply do not have enough guns.

  • No offense GW but I think "MMMmartin" is probably spoken more like Smiley from Do the Right Thing.

  • BriteSkittle

    And....... no one thinks this is just a TAD disturbing..?

  • Jenness

    I'm just glad that most of them are easy to spell.

    Though "Lance" has been common for centuries so it's kind of a stretch that these names were picked because of guns and not because they are family names as well. Barrett, Remington, Kimber, Ruger, Wesson, Browning, Benelli and Beretta are long-standing family names as well.

    Kimber was a popular girls' name there for a while because of that TV show Nip/Tuck. This is kind of a BS article and probably is satire.

  • Richard H Sanford

    I always thought "Kimber" was a derivative shortening of "Kimberly".

  • Richard H Sanford

    I predict that we will all discover that this is a copy from a satire site that no one bothered to check out.

  • LowSlash

    Sadly, The Independent actually plagiarized the article from a US baby name site called Nameberry, and the stats are based on those released from the SSA each year: I only wish this were an Onion article.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I know a couple who named their daughter Kimber. I told them they were stupid rednecks and should stop making babies.

  • shashi

    This article makes me wonder when people will start using numbers and special characters when naming their children - "Here's AR15 and that there is AK47. Oh and lets not forget our princess 38 Special: she has the cutest little snub nose "

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