Seen here being modeled by your cool uncle, the Pizza Pouch is a real $8 product from Stupidiotic that consists of a lanyard with a resealable plastic pouch attached to hold a piece of pizza. That way you always have a slice nearby in case of emergency. Have I told you there's a guy in my office that always takes his lunch into the bathroom to eat? That guy is me. I keep my digestive system so full from mouth to anus that if something goes in, something has to come out IMMEDIATELY. I have shit my pants so many times just accidentally swallowing gum.
Thanks to Mikey, who agrees it's only a matter of time before somebody makes a Taco Pouch.