Great, Now Everybody's Crying: Unicorn Tears Brand Gin

September 21, 2015

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This is the Unicorn Tear Gin Liqueur available from Firebox. It costs $62 a bottle and comes with real pieces of silver inside. Think Goldschläger, but with today's underage drinkers in mind. Gin though? I feel like gin is more of an adult's drink. I only drink gin when I really hate myself, which is often so I drink it all the time. You catch me with a gin and tonic in my hand and you know you are in for BAD MOOD GW. Some bars won't even serve me gin anymore, no matter how many fake beards and mustaches I wear. "Jesus, GW, you look like Chewbacca. Take off all the fake hair and I'll let you have a beer." Who is this GW fellow you speak of? He sounds like a real troublemaker. One gin and tonic, please. "That's it, you have to go." Whatever, I only came in here to pee on the floor anyways, AND I'M ALMOST FINISHED. *shaking off* Can I get a bar napkin? I don't want to dribble in my pantalones.

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