Wait For It...: How Not To Break A Bottle Of Champagne

August 5, 2015

champagne-rocket.gif

This is a video of a guy trying to break a bottle of champagne. It does not break. It does rocket back straight into his crotch though. This has America's Funniest Home Videos $10,000 winner written all over it. Also, why is he trying to break a bottle of champagne in the first place? Clearly this guy has zero clue how to make a cocktail, but he definitely knows how to make a cockache.

Keep going for the whole video.

Thanks to DUBINZ, who was once shot in the eye with a champagne cork and has to stay home every New Year's now to avoid having flashbacks.

  • The_Wretched

    Wonder if he throws knives - that totally would have stuck.

  • n11

    Well, at least he didn't.... wine about it.

  • Forgoten Null

    It looks like it hit him in the gut to me. Still funny though.

  • DJ Shovelpants

    Right hip, technically.

  • haha love it! We use to do that with 2 liters of soda when we were kids. Go steal a bunch from a gas station and then shake em up and throw em in the air until you got it to land on the lip and they'd rocket the fuck out!

    It was great until one shot through some dudes balcony door window at 2am haha!

  • Mr.4maldehyde

    Theft is awesome!

  • When I was a kid I thought it was great. I also thought breaking into cars and uninstalling stereo systems was super cool, and getting into fights was bad ass, but then I grew up.

    I don't shy away from mistakes I made, but theft is not awesome, its actually kinda stupid.

  • Bad Habit

    "....its actually kinda stupid."

    Still hedging your bets, I see. That's not owning up to your mistakes by being wishy-washy about them.

    How about coming out and saying "It is without a doubt incredibly stupid" and not just hemming and hawing around it being, ah, you know, "kinda stupid"?

  • Seriously? Are you gonna get into a semantics debate over this?
    Don't you have anything better to do with your time than this?

    Would you like a formal written apology with a retraction of the original post in question along with an edited version posted on reddit and tumblr with tinyurl links posted to twitter redirecting to a blogspot, wordpress and livejournals all hosting screen caps of the offending language in question?

    See what I did there? I took your overwrought assessment of what I said and turned it into my own version of a mirror reflecting back the idiocy of what you said.

    This isn't about half measures, my original comment is quite clear in its intent and message. There is no 'himming and hawing' as you say. It was in fact stupid, but I feel your engagement with my comment and trying to dissect it and infer meaning and intent that simply is not there is even more stupid.

    Have a nice day.

  • Bad Habit

    No. Just pointing out that if you were truly sorry, your statements about it would be definitive and not couched in language that leaves room for disassociation and backpeddling.

    "Kinda" leaves wiggle room, like it wasn't really all that bad.
    Which directly contradicts what you are saying. Deep down, you're not actually sorry and that makes you a hypocrite.

    And while I don't want or expect an apology from you (since I doubt it will contain any sincerity whatsoever), yeah, you *should* use every avenue open to you to apologize to those your harmed and make amends where ever possible.

    Anything less is just so much bullschitte on your part and the only person you are fooling is yourself.

    You are an admitted thief and violent aggressor by your own words and a liar by action and content, both to yourself and those around you that you attempt to convince otherwise.

    You should have a nice day as well..... rotting in jail.

  • Do you feel better now?
    Did you get it all out cupcake?

    Cuz I mean, wow, you really told me what time it is.
    Gosh I don't know how I've lived with myself being such a sanctimonious pile of shit all these years, couching my pseudo apologies, er um, I mean lies in such soft and backpeddling language.

    I'm sure you get an immense thrill by telling people how awful they are on the internet machine, and how they should be rotting in jail, for something that is a misdemeanor at best by the way, but the simple fact is, you don't know me, you don't know anything about me other than what I've willingly shared in the previous comments, and if you think anything you've said means fuck all to me, you're sadly mistaken.

    I'll give you credit, you gave it the old college try, but you simply failed to score a hit this time around.

    This conversation is over. You can keep talking, but I'm out.

  • Bad Habit

    No, I knew it wouldn't make a difference form the start.
    It was obvious from the very beginning that you are a clueless hypocrite.

    All I did was indulge in my internet hobby, my Bad Habit, of pointing out ignorance, idiocy, and hypocrisy whenever I see it.

    Yours was subtle but still a doozy.

    And the fact that you brush it off like you do proves you are either lying to yourself and others OR you've truly convinced yourself that you are somehow a "decent" person.

    Seek help before you do something truly heinous.

  • Darth_Spartan

    Well that didn't work like he expected, at least he had a good friend recording that for him. I am sure now he for sure has a baby d*ck.

  • Bling Nye

    "I am sure now he for sure has a baby d*ck."

    LOLWut.

  • Darth_Spartan

    LOL well after getting a shot at the d*ck I am sure it has shrunk to hide itself from more injuries.

  • Benjamin Silver

    Even the wall is laughing at him
    AH AHH AAH

  • Huck PS

    SloMo laughs... Those are the real nightmare...

  • Wilf Smith

    They always sound like whales to me. Maybe if you speed whale song up, it turns from haunting sounds of the deep into inane chatter about the price of plankton.

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