What A Novel Concept: Virgin Opens First Hotel, SELLS MINI-BAR ITEMS AT STREET PRICES

July 14, 2015

virgin-hotel-minibar.jpg

In news that will shake the hospitality industry to its very core, Virgin just opened its first hotel in Chicago and is selling mini-bar items at the same price you can buy them at the corner store. This marks the first time in history anybody will actually buy something from the mini-bar without being f***ing trashed and/or convinced they'll be able to replace the item from a nearby 7-11 before they get charged for it.

All of the items -- from the Peanut M&M's to the red wine to the little packets of Emergen-C -- are priced at street prices. Yes, street prices. What does that mean? It means those Peanut M&M's are just $1 and the bottle of red wine is $24. It means you can have a Kind bar for breakfast for the price of a Kind bar ($2.25), not the price of a filet mignon.

Smart move. You see, the key to creating a memorable hotel experience is getting people to STAY IN THEIR ROOM. You don't want them leaving. The more time people spend in their room, the more likely they are TO HAVE SEX IN THAT ROOM. And the more sex people have in a room, the more likely they are to associate your hotel brand with HAVING A GREAT TIME. That's how you make a customer for life. I remember all my fondest hotel stays have ended with me checking out and looking back to see the maids donning HAZMAT suits to go clean the room.

Thanks to Rahul, who agrees those two hospitality classes I took in business school clearly didn't go to waste.

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