We Should Party Sometime: Squirrel Breaks Into Pub, Gets Drunk, Causes Hundreds Of Dollars In Damages

July 16, 2015


A squirrel in England was arrested (just kidding, he was captured in a trash can and released out a window) after breaking into a pub, getting drunk, then wrecking the place. He causing some £300 (~$470) in damages, mostly in broken glassware and bottles. My God, what a magnificent creature. *posts signs on trees in the park inviting squirrels to party*

Mr Boulter, 62, said he then saw a squirrel "staggering around" after coming out from behind a box of crisps.

He added: "There were bottles scattered around, money scattered around and he had obviously run across the bar's pumps and managed to turn on the Caffrey's tap.

"He must have flung himself on the handle and drank some as he was staggering around all over the place and moving a bit slowly.

"I've never seen a drunk squirrel before. He was sozzled and looked a bit worse for wear, shall we say."

No word what caused the squirrel to get so angry and start breaking things, but my guess is he got wasted and thought he heard somebody call his girlfriend a dirty tree rat. Those are fighting words, no matter what your species. Even a fish will break a bottle and try to stab you with it, and they don't even know what trees or rats are.

Thanks to Michael K, who has always dreamed of partying with drunk squirrels and maybe a groundhog and a beaver too as long as the beaver doesn't get all drunk and bitey.

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