So, It's Come To This: P0rnHub's Twerking Butt Sex Toy

July 13, 2015

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This is the $1,000 TwerkingButt sex toy available from P0rnhub this August (go to twerkingbutt.com for more info and videos). There is also a non-twerking version available for $700 in case twerking scares you and you're afraid of your penis getting butt-danced off. The sex toy has an internal heater than can warm the unit up to 96.8-degrees, has a variety of vibration controls, and can even dance in sync to your own personal playlist (I'm gonna go slow and low with a country playlist). It also comes with a pair of virtual reality goggles that aren't really virtual reality goggles but a headset you put your smartphone in to watch p0rn. The company says they will be rolling out products in the future though that will actually provide virtual reality experiences (i.e. 360-degree p0rn videos). Obviously, the TwerkingButt is not something you want to accidentally leave out before you have company over. I mean, unless you're really good at lying yourself out of situations. Oh, that? That's, uhhh, that's a learning aid my girlfriend bought to learn how to twerk better. Apparently it's really great exercise. "But you don't have a girlfriend." I meant ex-girlfriend. Now why don't we all head into the kitchen for some wine and appetizers? "It has a vagina." FINE -- it's a sex toy, okay?! Everybody who touched it wash your hands.

Thanks to Nasir, who informed me it's best to start with the unit off so you don't hurt yourself trying to get in there. You don't try to ride a bull after it's already bucking.

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