Uh-Oh: Japan Recognizes Godzilla As Official Resident

June 2, 2015


After more than sixty years of terrorizing the country, Japan has finally recognized Godzilla as an official resident in the hopes he'll calm the f*** down and stop going apeshit on everything all the time. His residency paper above reads:

Name: Godzilla

Address: Shinjuku-ku, Kabuki-cho, 1-19-1

Date of birth: April 9, 1954 (the year of the release of the very first Godzilla film)

Date of becoming a Shinjuku resident: April 9, 2015

Reason for special residency: Promoting the entertainment of and watching over the Kabuki-cho neighborhood and drawing visitors from around the globe in the form of the Godzilla head built atop the Shinjuku TOHO Building.

Previous visits to Shinjuku Ward: 3 times; Godzilla (1984), Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991), Godzilla 2000 Millennium (1999)"

Illegal immigration speculation aside, I'm sure making a giant, rampaging lizard an ambassador of tourism made sense to somebody, I just don't get it. Seems like a bad idea. Like making me the official ambassador of my neighborhood. *brainstorming slogans* 'Come to where the crazies are!' 'Where the residents are so friendly they even talk to themselves.' 'Where the violence keeps things exciting!' 'Come on, I'm sure that was just a car backfiring.' 'Sirens mean safety.' 'Helllllp meeeeeee.'

Thanks to Ali, who agrees Gamera should at least be granted a work visa.

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