Uh-Oh: Japan Recognizes Godzilla As Official Resident

June 2, 2015

godzilla-now-a-citizen.jpg

After more than sixty years of terrorizing the country, Japan has finally recognized Godzilla as an official resident in the hopes he'll calm the f*** down and stop going apeshit on everything all the time. His residency paper above reads:

Name: Godzilla


Address: Shinjuku-ku, Kabuki-cho, 1-19-1

Date of birth: April 9, 1954 (the year of the release of the very first Godzilla film)

Date of becoming a Shinjuku resident: April 9, 2015

Reason for special residency: Promoting the entertainment of and watching over the Kabuki-cho neighborhood and drawing visitors from around the globe in the form of the Godzilla head built atop the Shinjuku TOHO Building.

Previous visits to Shinjuku Ward: 3 times; Godzilla (1984), Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991), Godzilla 2000 Millennium (1999)"

Illegal immigration speculation aside, I'm sure making a giant, rampaging lizard an ambassador of tourism made sense to somebody, I just don't get it. Seems like a bad idea. Like making me the official ambassador of my neighborhood. *brainstorming slogans* 'Come to where the crazies are!' 'Where the residents are so friendly they even talk to themselves.' 'Where the violence keeps things exciting!' 'Come on, I'm sure that was just a car backfiring.' 'Sirens mean safety.' 'Helllllp meeeeeee.'

Thanks to Ali, who agrees Gamera should at least be granted a work visa.

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