These are the Minim playing cards designed by Joe Doucet ($10 in white or black). If they were any more minimal you'd just be playing with completely blank cards. Do you have any zeros? "Go fish." YOU'RE A F***ING LIAR AND A CHEAT. *flips table, storms into kitchen, tears refrigerator door off* Dammit, this is my apartment. Just leave, please, before I cry.
Keep going for a couple more shots.