73-Year Old Crazy Person Punches Bear To Protect Dog

May 5, 2015


This is a local news report from Sacramento, California about 73-year old crazy person Carl Moore punching a bear in the face to protect his dog. Most people only joke about fighting bears. Carl and I? We actually f***ing do it. What I wouldn't give to sit around and drink beer with that man. Quote highlights:

The man or beast that I run from ain't been born. And his momma's already dead.

I ain't running from nothing. I never have in my whole life and I ain't gonna start now. And you're not gonna sacrifice my babies (referring to his chihuahuas) for some damn bear.

And I raised both hands in the air, and I cussed at him. Yaaaaaah get out of here you bastard! And he looked at me like go eff yourself.

He come up like this, and he turned. BOOM! I hit him hard. Tyler said I damn near corkscrewed his head.

This guy's a jerk but he ain't been back since he got smacked by Carl.

What percentage of people do you think that, faced with Carl's situation, would have acted the same way? Because I feel like he is one in a million. Maybe even rarer. He is like the Jewel of the Nile. Unfortunately, when reached for comment about the attack, the bear insisted he was just going door to door asking who's been eating his porridge, and is considering pressing charges.

Keep going for the video, then pretend you're the kind of person who's tough enough to punch a bear.

Thanks to Damien, who once jumpkicked a Yeti for throwing a snowball at him.

  • Aalok

    There are no ex-Marines. Once a Marine, always a Marine.

  • Bling Nye

    He still ain't got nuthin on Davy Crockett; kilt him a bear when he was only 3.

  • Daniel Anderson

    They made a movie about Epic Beard man. I think this guy deserves it.

  • GeneralDisorder

    Leave it to some douche-looking city-slicker to make fun of a guy who punched a bear...

    Bear probably weighs a minimum of 500 pounds. Old dude can't be much more than 190.

    Granted nobody bothered to mention what kind of bear it was. It wasn't a Kodiak, Grolar or Polar bear so that helps the situation make some sense.

    It seems that the Sacramento area has both Black bears and Grizzly. Black bears are basically big puppies that are more scared of people than people are scared of them. Grizzly bears could be having a bad day and mess a person up but if they aren't starving are basically just looking for an easy meal or looking to play with other wildlife (play here probably meaning kill... chihuahuas are really delicate).

  • steve holt

    I'll make fun of him for you. He's fucking nuts.

  • dougfunnay

    he keeps chihuahas..... i think thats a fair assessment
    (and those quotes..... jesus christ i dont care if this guy wrestles with elephants... that is not a dude you want to have a beer with)

  • Foldedpencil

    Even a black bear can be dangerous. You may not die from being mauled by one but I had a relative die due to infection following a black bear attack (those claws are dirty). I think without tools, bear beats monkey pretty consistently.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I'm not saying it's a good idea to punch a bear. But I am saying that black bears are a great deal more timid than their grizzly counterparts (and smaller but still... people generally hunt them with guns).

  • captaindash

    Nobody made fun of him. They all thought the guy was awesome. Are you talking about the bar room brawl part? He just worded that poorly. He means that if makes sense that a guy with a past like that punched a bear in the face.

  • GeneralDisorder

    I meant smiley douche-laugh who couldn't keep his composure reading his teleprompter.

    "he punched the bear in the face <snickers>".

    Sounds like he's making fun of the guy to me.

  • shashi

    Maybe he's laughing in frustration at the depressing state of modern tv journalism

  • GeneralDisorder

    That's believable.

  • KLanD

    The entire time this clip was rolling all I heard in the back of my mind was:

    "Now yer a man! A man man man! Now yer a Man! A many many man!"

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    And them Old Spice ad.

  • Leland_Gaunt

    Mark Twain still kicks ass after all these years.

  • Forgoten Null

    "The report of my death was an exaggeration."

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