So That's A Real Thing Now: The Bowler Hat Colander

April 16, 2015

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This is the Bowler Hat Colander available from Firebox ($20, but $80 total to get it shipped to the US, i.e. not worth it). It can strain spaghetti or accent a mustache and bow tie with equal dexterity. When I was a kid I used to wear a metal colander on my head to prevent the government from reading my thoughts. Now I wear a colander AND full body foil wrap because the government's mind reading machines have gotten so much more powerful. I can actually feel it when they're trying to pry inside my head now. It doesn't feel good. You ever accidentally sat on your own penis before? Bad example. It's just like, a sharp pain in my head. "Pretty sure that's a headache." You know, it is weird the government is always trying to snoop around up there when my roommate's playing his music too loud.

Keep going for a couple more shots of the wait, this isn't angel hair -- this is HAIR HAIR.

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Thanks to Elizabeth B, who's holding out for a Kentucky Derby hat version.

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