Seen here eyeballing a friend with a rocket launcher strapped to its back, an endangered Amazon river turtle prepares to take us on a journey of epic proportions. Minus the epic proportions part. It's really just some murky underwater footage of a turtle party. Still, it was cool to pretend I was riding on the back of a giant aquatic turtle for two minutes. Remember the giant turtle from The NeverEnding Story? She was rude. Plus that was right after Artax died in the Swamp of Sadness, which I only mentioned to toy with your emotions. SICK FACT: this whole article was a con to make you think about Artax. "You're sick." I am, I am twisted.
Keep going for the video.