Well That's Not Good: Springfield, Illinois Gives Cobra Commander Key To The City

March 16, 2015


Lincoln would not approve.

To celebrate the city's upcoming G.I. Joe Collector's Convention, Springfield Illinois mayor J. Michael Houston presented Cobra Commander with a key to the city. You know, because why give it to the good guys? That would make too much sense. Jk jk, that would not get nearly as much media attention and I probably wouldn't have written about it. Per Cobra Commander himself:

Springfielders near and far, I accept your Mayor's generous gift. And let it be known that I too bring a gift for every man, woman and child of this city that is so near and dear to my heart; an invitation to join with me. Join Cobra!

You know, I joined Cobra when I was a kid. But then they kicked me out because I kept quoting those dubbed G.I. public service announcements. Especially pork chop sandwiches. That one gets me every time and if you don't know the whole thing word for word there's absolutely no chance we could ever be friends. My best friends can even recite it backwards on command like the alphabet during a field sobriety test.

Thanks to Daniel D, who just presented me with a cardboard key to his neighborhood. Thanks! I'm going to borrow somebody's lawnmower.

  • Munihausen

    The least corrupt man in Springfield. CC has nothing on Madigan.

  • Jenness

    Next they'll let someone who only became Senator because his opponents became disqualified with no experience other than radical organizing and whose college buddy is a terrorist become President!

    oh wait...


  • Ollie Williams

    Mr. Body Massage Machine, GO!

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