Rude: National Geographic Interrupts Boning Tortoises, Slowest Speed Chase Ensues

March 23, 2015


This is a video of some folks from National Geographic who interrupt two giant tortoises trying to get their sex on, and then the male chases them away at a speed that can only be described as not very fast at all. Still, National Geographic, why you going to go and disturb two boning tortoises? They probably waited over 100 years for this moment, then you come along and ruin it. If I was that tortoise I would be PISSED. I would also have a jetpack and a ninja sword to deal with the interruption swiftly and deadly.

Keep going for the video and note to yourself how much giant tortoise heads look like mutant penises.

Thanks to DS, which could stand for anything. Maybe initials, maybe secret code.

  • Mister Cerberus

    "Hey man, you lookin' at my woman?"

  • GeneralDisorder

    When I was a kid I had nightmares that I was being chased by a giant toroise and I became suddenly paralyzed and tried to scream for help but nobody was helping. They just sat there and watched as it got closer and closer at an agonizingly slow pace. I remember waking up in tears because of that... many times over.

  • MustacheHam

    That gentleman had every right to go after him.
    I am referring to the tortoise gentleman, nobody should ever interrupt love.

  • disqus_ecIk3gtuH2

    With 150 or 200 years of life expectancy, the tortoise eventually caught up with her body.

  • Roark

    No matter where in the world you are, There is always a Damn Cock Blocker!!!!

  • Tyguy

    Nat Geo of all people should know not to interrupt that

  • Daniel Anderson

    "Damn kids, get off my lawn!"

  • TheQiwiMan

    That dude's dangling bits are in a prime location for a lightning chomp. Woulda served him right.

  • steve holt

    "I'm faster than you after all", goaded the explorer, who continued, "I'm off to beat kindergartners at arm wrestling! Fogie Power! No child can beat the Grinch!"

  • steve holt

    wish that tortoise could've accelerated to cheetah speed and taken out the jugular of that "explorer".

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