Woman Arrested After Pleasuring Herself To Fifty Shades Of Grey In The Theater

February 24, 2015

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A 33-year old Mexican woman was arrested after other Fifty Shades of Grey moviegoers realized she was masturbating to the film in the twelfth row of the theater. Obviously, I'm terrified of going to see the next Avatar movie in the theater for the exact same reason.

The woman was arrested and, ironically, given the S&M nature of the movie, slapped in handcuffs by cops.

You think the cops drew straws to decide who had to cuff her? Because I would not have wanted to do that. Especially not if she'd been using that movie theater popcorn butter for lube. Or masturbating with a Twizzler. I can't stand Twizzlers.

Thanks to Stephanie A, who informed me Fifty Shades of Grey actually started as Twilight fan-fiction. That makes sense. Just kidding, that makes no sense but I don't want my brain to explode.

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