Wow, Not How I Wanna Go: How The Speckled Orb Weaver Spider Kills Its Prey

January 26, 2015


Retroactive warning: spider.

This is a speckled orb weaver spider. It doesn't immobilize and kill its prey with poisonous fangs like some other spiders. Instead, it begins wrapping its victims in silk (a single moth can get wrapped in up to 460-feet), first to break its wings and legs so it can't get away, then to squeeze its head so tight its eyeballs get forced back into its head cavity. That's when it dies. Me? Thanks to the gypsy fortune-teller I visited at the county fair in 1994, I already know how I die. "And?" It's not that impressive. "Well?" iPad in the bathtub. "I'm not sure that would kill you." Well it will if you're reaching for it on the back of the toilet and slip and hit your head and drown." Besides, it's gotta be true because iPads didn't even exist in '94. It's fine, the woman saw the future, I've accepted it. Although I have sold my iPad on eBay and started bathing with a crash helmet on.

Thanks to my friend Becca B, who knows I love spiders almost as much as I love pretending to love spiders.

  • Metroid Slayer

    I shot a video of an orb weaver wrapping an ant back in 2011. There's a good chance I still have it somewhere. That little guy was wrapping his snack for a very long time.

  • Frédéric Purenne

    So... it's an average nope.

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