This Is Why I'm Getting Fatter: Red Velvet OREO Coming

January 22, 2015


Because what better way of speeding up the process of proving to your partner you'll still love them even if they're fat and ugly, OREO has announced a limited edition Red Velvet cookie in time for Valentine's Day. The cookies hit shelves February 2nd for an undisclosed amount of time, probably depending on how well my letter-writing campaign and petition to make them a permanent flavor goes. Are you going to try them? That was meant to be rhetorical, we're all going to try them. The real test will be how a stack of them sitting at the bottom of a glass of milk tastes after five minutes. Because if they're as amazing as I think they'll be, wow, I'd buy stock in the company that sells those diabetes testing supplies Wilford Brimley is always hocking during my mom's favorite daytime TV.

Thanks to Rebecca and CAM, who agree OREO should come out with a baked potato with butter and chive flavor. "We never said that." Fine, I'm just getting hungry.

  • Jenness

    They had me at Cream Cheese filling

  • MustacheHam

    I'll try anything once.

  • Sean Lally

    Red poop!!!

  • Frédéric Purenne

    Am I the only one who doesn't like Oreos? They are ok with milk, but besides that the textures feels so wrong.

  • shashi

    the filling is the best part, the rest leaves my mouth looking like i just licked an ashtray clean. Although, i am cautiously optimistic because red velvet is famously soft and moist so maybe these wont taste like drywall.

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