The Smiling Poop Emoji Shirt Of Your Dreams Is Here

January 9, 2015

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Honey? You've got shit all over your nice shirt.

This is the Poo Emoji Button-Up Shirt available from Betabrand. It's currently on sale for $80 (from $88), which is still entirely too much to pay for a shirt with no sleeves. If I'm paying $80 for a shirt, you better believe it's gonna have long sleeves, and you better believe at least one of those sleeves is going to be concealing a hidden blade like in Assassin's Creed. Will I stab myself trying to put my coat on? Probably. Will my mom have to take to to the hospital? Probably. Will she make me promise to never carry a hidden blade again but I'll do it again anyways and the same thing will happen? Yes. My life is an endless cycle, like the symbol of a snake eating its own tail. Except if you look closer it's not a snake, it's a penis, and it's tail is balls.

Keep going for a bunch of closeups as well as a shot of the poop emoji shoes they're also selling.

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Thanks to Hairless, who's never worn a dress shirt in his life. Or any kind of shirt. Because he's a cat.

  • abcdefgjklmnopqruvwxyz

    obviously to never be worn by the king (cause then he'd have shit all over him)

  • kevin

    Laura: "First the puns then the constant meme references and now this shirt... Tim, I feel like you care more about the internet than you do about me."
    Tim: "Would you say that our relationship's been going DOWN THE TOILET?"
    Laura: "...I'm leaving you Tim."

  • TheQiwiMan

    My poops rarely have smiley faces on them.
    :-(

  • failtuna

    I'd maybe wear the shoes, but the shirt is silly.

  • Guest

    If you had a girlfriend that looked like that, in an apartment that had a view like that, and you spent any money on a shirt like that. She would put her hand on your shoulder exactly like in that photo, with the exact same look on her face.

    And then tell you, "we need to talk".

  • Wiley

    Maybe to talk about trying to take your relationship to the next level, should she be so lucky.

    Not to say I'm worthy of that shirt. I'd look like shit (hue). But this fictional 'you' could definitely pull it off.

  • sizzlepants

    If you had a girlfriend that looked like that, in an apartment that had a view like that, and you spent any money on a shirt like that... She would put her hand on your shoulder exactly like in that photo, with the exact same look on her face.

    And then tell you, "we need to talk".

  • Tyguy

    The girl in the picture almost appears to be consoling him, due to his regret of having bought such a stupid thing.

  • iofo61

    I can make you a shirt covered in shit for half that price.

  • kevin

    *Free* if you give me the shirt.

  • James Mcelroy

    ouroboros, or peniboros, i guess. I think that's what your live is like.

  • kevin

    Dingaling-bouros.
    Scholong-bouros.

  • S.M. Archer

    80 dollars or 80 dollHAIRS? Either way that is too fucking much. Effin' A Cotton.

  • Itomerou

    on a side note, not ALL the poops are smiling... because in life sad shits happen too....

  • Anthony

    YES!!

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