Sounds Painful: Cracking Nuts With A Nut Hammer

December 4, 2014


This is the $40 Nut Hammer. It's exactly what it sounds like unless you thought it was some sort of S&M sex toy, in which case my balls just snuck back inside me like Homer Simpson disappearing into that bush even thinking about it. Same goes for a nut tenderizer. You just put a nut in the silicon holder, attach it to the end of the hammer, and smack it against something hard. Presto -- cracked nuts. Now I don't know about you, but personally, I like cracking nuts the old fashioned way: with my hands. The only ones that ever really give me a problem are Brazil nuts, but Brazil nuts taste like shit anyways, so I wouldn't necessarily call it a problem.

Thanks to Jeff, who prefers to blow his nuts open with fireworks. Another solid approach.

  • S.M. Archer

    40 dollars you say? Buck that noise, "Johnny bring the Dillo shell! I got nuts to crack!"

  • Frédéric Purenne

    I'll use a rock for cracking nuts, thanks.

    You know, in Brazil, Brazil nuts are just called nuts... What did you say? Oh it's "The Rock", my bad.

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    In Brazil Brazil nuts are called castanha do Pará. There is an episode on House MD where this was the key to the diagnose.

  • Jenness

    The more you know...

  • adfasdfadfs

    thought the bush reference would be that old simpsons vagina tattoo(that looked suspiciously like paint)

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