This is the $40 Nut Hammer. It's exactly what it sounds like unless you thought it was some sort of S&M sex toy, in which case my balls just snuck back inside me like Homer Simpson disappearing into that bush even thinking about it. Same goes for a nut tenderizer. You just put a nut in the silicon holder, attach it to the end of the hammer, and smack it against something hard. Presto -- cracked nuts. Now I don't know about you, but personally, I like cracking nuts the old fashioned way: with my hands. The only ones that ever really give me a problem are Brazil nuts, but Brazil nuts taste like shit anyways, so I wouldn't necessarily call it a problem.
Thanks to Jeff, who prefers to blow his nuts open with fireworks. Another solid approach.