Now's Our Chance To Name A Crater On Mercury After Me

December 17, 2014


To celebrate the end of the MESSENGER (MErcury Surface Space ENvironment GEochemistry and Ranging) mission as the orbiter runs out of fuel and crashes into Mercury's surface in March, scientists have decided to give us, the idiots of the internet, the opportunity to name some of the planet's newly mapped craters after, "important people in the arts and humanities." Obviously, the biggest, ugliest one should be named after me, but the rules state, "the individual must have been recognized as an 'art-historically significant figure' for more than 50 years, and dead for at least three." And as tempting as it is to go back in time, paint a bunch of groundbreaking nudes in the 50's, then kill myself, I guess I'm out of the running. Why'd they have to make the rules so strict anyways? This sounded cool when I started to post it, then I actually got to reading, and now it's pretty disappointing. They should allow ANY entries, and let the internet vote on them. And if 4chan comes along and names a crater Robotits Fapmachine Beta, then by God that's what the crater's new name is.

Thanks to Chris C, who really got my hopes up. Now I need a hug.

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