Now's Our Chance To Name A Crater On Mercury After Me

December 17, 2014


To celebrate the end of the MESSENGER (MErcury Surface Space ENvironment GEochemistry and Ranging) mission as the orbiter runs out of fuel and crashes into Mercury's surface in March, scientists have decided to give us, the idiots of the internet, the opportunity to name some of the planet's newly mapped craters after, "important people in the arts and humanities." Obviously, the biggest, ugliest one should be named after me, but the rules state, "the individual must have been recognized as an 'art-historically significant figure' for more than 50 years, and dead for at least three." And as tempting as it is to go back in time, paint a bunch of groundbreaking nudes in the 50's, then kill myself, I guess I'm out of the running. Why'd they have to make the rules so strict anyways? This sounded cool when I started to post it, then I actually got to reading, and now it's pretty disappointing. They should allow ANY entries, and let the internet vote on them. And if 4chan comes along and names a crater Robotits Fapmachine Beta, then by God that's what the crater's new name is.

Thanks to Chris C, who really got my hopes up. Now I need a hug.

  • Ed

    Freakin' astronomers, think they own the universe! You know that planet all you a'holes call Uranus? I call that one Minerva.

  • nyxzus

    Could name one Marilyn Monroe. Then she would have two famous holes.

  • Jenness

    Since when do any douches own Mercury naming rights? Sorry but I called dibs on this when I was like 5. I'm going to sue.

  • Guest


  • Xockszky

    I just hope they don't name any after slutty talentless pop singers like Jennifer Lopez and Britney Spears.

  • Janet Morton

    ChrisIf you think Richard`s story is amazing,, last month my uncles step-son basically also brought home $7387 sitting there fourty hours a month an their house and they're co-worker's step-mother`s neighbour did this for 7-months and got paid more than $7387 part-time on line. applie the guide on this web-site,✒✒✒✒ ✿✿✿✒✒✒http://HomeEarningsacademy/getit/position/season2/kzlG4...

  • Xockszky

    Oh yeah?! well I brought home $999,999,999 by sitting at home for 1 second a year, and my co-worker's brother's mother's friend's second cousin's prostitute did it for 2 seconds, and got paid twice as much! Beat that, Janet!

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    Wow! Where and on what web can I applie the guide though?

  • Darcitus

    Sinatra and Dino plz. Drunks, Singers, Legends.

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    I wonder if they would accept Carl Sagan, Bruce Lee and Osamu Tezuka...

  • Kaizer Chief

    I keep getting redirected to a spammy fake Flash Player update page. Am I the only one?

  • MustacheHam

    hmm...if I was to choose a would be "Here lyes the last idiot who insulted me"

  • I can already see the future

    "Hitler did nothing wrong" become the most popular name

    They choose something different anyway

  • Josh Haas

    I've got my fingers crossed for the "HR Giger Crater"

  • Chris

    I've just received a paycheck for last month for 11 thousand dollars... All I was doing was simple freelance jobs from home for few hr/day that i got from agency I discovered online and i got paid by them 95 bucks hourly...
    Try it yourself
    -> Get Started Today! <-

  • Xockszky

    I received a paycheque last month for infinity trillion dollars. All I was doing was lying in the gutter begging for change for a few hours a day from an agency I discovered through one of my friends in the pyramid scheme I was in.

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