No Officer, I Swear: Fabric Treated To Permanently Smell Like Whiskey

December 4, 2014

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Because who hasn't dreamed of smelling like whiskey all the time, the Heriot Watt University's School of Textiles and Design teamed up with Harris Tweed and Johnny Walker to develop a fabric that permanently smells like Johnny Walker Black. Alternatively, pour a shot on yourself before going out. PROTIP: this method also works for beer and tequila (trust me, I've independently verified this fact on numerous occasions).

The tweed carries aromas of "rich malt, golden vanilla, red fruit and dark chocolate tones" and has been designed to reflect the colors of the whisky ingredients. The scent is layered into the fabric throughout the finishing process and is permanently imbued in the tweed that will not go off even after dry cleaning.

You know what would be even cooler than a fabric that smells like whiskey all the time? A fabric that smells like just about anything else all the time. Listen -- I love whiskey as much as the next man who's convinced his liver is a supervillain and must be stopped, but that doesn't mean I want to smell like it constantly. I want to smell like...baby powder. Or a pot roast. FUN FACT: If I don't shower for more than two days I start to smell like a chili cheese dog with onions. LOTS of onions. That is 100% true and you can come smell my armpits if you don't believe me. I will charge you $10 though, because I would like to get my water turned back on eventually.

Keep going for a shot of Mr. Dapper McBlowyhair sporting the fabric.

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