Nuke The City, Do It Now: 4-Acre Spiderweb In Baltimore

November 3, 2014


This is part of the 4-acres of spiderweb built by orb-weavers in a Baltimore Wastewater Treatment Plant. Experts CONSERVATIVELY estimate there were over 107-million spiders living in the webs, with a population density as high as 35,176 spiders per square meter. For reference, that's 35,175 spiders per square meter more than necessary to justify burning the building to the ground. Per the entomologist and arachnologist experts sent to investigate the problem:

We were unprepared for the sheer scale of the spider population and the extraordinary masses of both three dimensional and sheet-like webbing that blanketed much of the facility's cavernous interior. Far greater in magnitude than any previously recorded aggregation of orb-weavers, the visual impact of the spectacle was was nothing less than astonishing.

In places where the plant workers had swept aside the webbing to access equipment, the silk lay piled on the floor in rope-like clumps as thick as a fire hose.

In some areas of the plant over 95% of space was filled with spider web. The webbing was so dense that it pulled 8-foot long fluorescent light fixtures out of place.

Wait -- the workers just worked around them?! I thought the building was abandoned. At what point do you think employees gave up on a spider-free work environment and just let them have their way? Because I would have quit. Quit and sued the city for unsafe working conditions. Not only am I dealing with wastewater, but I have to cope with a spider infestation? Nobody gets paid enough for that. Unless it's over $40k with benefits, in which case that sounds reasonable and I'd like my old job back.

One more shot after the jump of an 8-foot florescent light pulled out of place by the webs.


Thanks to NopeNopeNope, who asked me if there's anything about spiders in the Bible. No clue, but if there is they were probably on the devil's side.

  • DAayumN!Aw!

    I'm just thinking.. but doesn't it make sense that those spiders multiplied that fast because they had enough food (flying insects)? So, you kill the spiders and during the summer you are going to have a wave of bugs and the best option will be spraying some poison in the air instead of letting these guys just eat them Yeah, great job! Cos spiders are dangerous and chemicals are good.

  • S.M. Archer

    Flame throwers were invented for this.

  • NeverReduced

    They aren't poison so, no dangerous working condition. I have half a mind to think the building would have imploded without their architecture.

  • Teresa Welby

    Just because they aren't poisonous doesn't mean you can't be allergic to their bites. Get a few bites and the next one could kill you. What if 5 of them attacked at once? Boom, They have you wrapped up like Frodo and Samwise isn't coming along with any elvish magic to save you.

  • NeverReduced

    Do you even reality?

  • Guest

    Skitter is just borrowing the unused part of your factory for a bit. once she finishes the suit they'll be out of your hair.

  • Rein

    "I don't want tens of thousands of spiders just lurking [above] me, making spider noises and climbing [down] to crawl on me while I [work]"

  • Duckster1964

    What's a "spider noise"???

  • Eric McCann

    Ha... I'd rather forgotten about that.

  • James Berrian

    Geez, what an over-reaction to nothing. Orb-weavers in general are not a problem. If there were the numbers reported the spiders would be rather small and absolutely harmless. It is an interesting phenomenon but not a horrid, dangerous situation. Kudos to the workers who simply worked around it all.

  • Grob

    if this isn't justification for global thermonuclear holocaust then i don't know what is

  • Deplorable Erik Dee

    It's the only way to be sure.....

  • Fred

    Anyone else getting Minecraft flashbacks from this?

  • Nh80

    NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE. Where's my flame-thrower!?

  • Was just going to say something along those lines... Throw a match and watch that puppy burn!

  • James Mcelroy

    That is a lot of spiders. My question is this, what were all of those spiders eating to encourage and sustain such a population? Maybe we should be thanking the spiders for eating 50,000,000 mosquitos and other bugs each day.

  • Mark

    Humans. They were eating humans.

  • Raymond Setzer

    Do you see any more workers.....?????

  • Andyman7714

    The workers were laughing and having a good time about the light when Stan's chest suddenly burst open.

  • steve holt

    nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be Sherlock.

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