Cool As A Cucumber: Man Calmly Sips Beer While 35 Armed Russian Gangsters Storm Restaurant

November 20, 2014

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This is some Russian security camera footage from the Sagittarius bar in which 35 armed gangsters rush the place to beat up a table of five dudes, before all rushing back out. Meanwhile guy in the middle just sits there calmly sipping his beer. I've read a bunch of responses to the video and everyone is all, "Oh man, what a badass!" and "This guy is hardcore!" You see, what they don't realize is HE WAS IN ON THE WHOLE THING. He's probably the one who tipped off his buddies that now was the time to come kick ass. Of course, this is Russia we're talking about, where every young male's favorite pastime is trying to die in the name of excitement, so maybe he really just didn't give a f***. Thankfully, I was able to get him on the phone for an interview. So, my Ruskie friend -- let's say you're walking down a railroad track and you hear a train coming -- what do you do? "Stare it down until it jumps the rails." My God, how do you even walk with balls that big? I would have guessed you have to balance on them like one of those bears at the circus.

Keep going for the video.

Thanks to D, who would have stretched out for a nap.

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