That Looks Like A Wiener: Stretchy Stress Mushrooms

October 13, 2014

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These are the stress relief mushrooms being sold by FireBox. They come in Fly Agaric (pictured above), enoki, king trumpet and matsutake varieties, and cost $9.50 apiece. Most of them look like penises. They make the perfect de-stresser for the person who's always dreaming of stroking a giant rubber dildo at work but are afraid of what their coworkers might think. You know what I do to de-stress at work? Bang my head on my desk and scream, "JUST TAKE ME GOD -- DO IT NOW. STRIKE ME DOWN!" Then go try to shit so hard and fast I pass out and fall off the toilet.

Keep going for shots of all the other varieties.

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Thanks to Ryuuza, who agrees the best stress balls are the two you're born with. Just dangle them in a desk drawer then slam that sucker shut.

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