That Looks Like A Wiener: Stretchy Stress Mushrooms

October 13, 2014


These are the stress relief mushrooms being sold by FireBox. They come in Fly Agaric (pictured above), enoki, king trumpet and matsutake varieties, and cost $9.50 apiece. Most of them look like penises. They make the perfect de-stresser for the person who's always dreaming of stroking a giant rubber dildo at work but are afraid of what their coworkers might think. You know what I do to de-stress at work? Bang my head on my desk and scream, "JUST TAKE ME GOD -- DO IT NOW. STRIKE ME DOWN!" Then go try to shit so hard and fast I pass out and fall off the toilet.

Keep going for shots of all the other varieties.





Thanks to Ryuuza, who agrees the best stress balls are the two you're born with. Just dangle them in a desk drawer then slam that sucker shut.

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