Assemble-It-Yourself 'Zombie Proof' Log Cabins For Sale

October 17, 2014


This is Tiger Log Cabin's £70,000 (~$113,000) Zombie Fortification Cabin (ZFC-1). That cost is just for the materials though, you have to assemble it yourself though or pay another £13,000 (~$21,000) for them to come do it for you. I suggest letting them do it though. You try putting it together yourself and that shit's probably gonna get stormed by zombies easier than the little pig that built his house out of cereal boxes.

The ZFC-1 comprises of three sections, all of which are independent from each other with two lockable doors securing each building. This means for a zombie to breach the main large section they would have to somehow breach three very securely locked doors - which even your most advance lock picker would struggle to compromise. One of the smaller buildings is a garage with secure roller shutter doors - still large enough to secure a military vehicle or getaway car. The other building comes with a built in storage unit for food to help you last the duration of the apocalypse. There is also a great place to store any other weapons you require to keep the undead at bay. The third larger building at the back has two floors (containing a bedroom, a kitchen, a living room and even a gym) as well as an upper deck to give you a 360 degree vantage point with smart slots in the decking wall to allow you to shoot at intruders in the surrounding area. In the middle of the three buildings protected by walls around the outside and a mesh roof is a small garden to allow you some outdoor time and to plant and grow vegetables.

You know what the major flaw with this thing is? Actually, a couple things: 1) there are windows to break if zombies manage to infiltrate the garden, and windows are easier to break than walls. 2) there are doors. Zombies might not be that smart, but they do recognize something that looks different. Doors should blend in with the rest of exterior. 3) It's wood. Wood is flammable. It would only take one flaming zombie to come knocking to ruin your whole day. And trust me, zombies do catch fire -- I've killed enough in video games to know that. Speaking of, what percentage of people do you think have absolutely zero concept of zombie preparedness minus what they've picked up from video games and movies? My guess is at LEAST 85%. Those people aren't going to last long. Check it: you and a small group of survivors are running from a horde of zombies, what do you do? "Blow another survivor's leg off and leave them to the zombies to buy yourself enough time to escape." Exactly. You know, you might just survive a while after all. Just not in my group, because I don't want anybody else trying to use my own survival tactics against me.

Keep going for a bunch more shots.












Thanks to Tom, who works for the company and should probably come build me a sweet clubhouse in the backyard.

  • shashi

    6 weeks for delivery? better idea - buy some wood, a hammer, few nails and 28 days later...

  • CoasterFan

    Gotta love the turntables. Dance the night away as the thunderous bass beat draws in zombies from miles around.

  • S.M. Archer

    This is just a fire death trap. Buck this noise.

  • BehindYou

    Soo if the zombies compromise your food storage (which happens to have a door to the outside), you lose your only toilet. If zombies compromise your garage, you lose your ability to grow food. If zombies have compromised food storage OR garage, since both garage door and storage room door are maybe 15 feet away from one another, you're not going to be able to sneak past until the horde leaves the area. Also even if your base isn't compromised, a garden that size with that sort of light restriction would grow less food than a single person would require, much less supply food for a family plus any livestock (chickens/rabbits) that they might keep for meat...Aside from those glaring flaws, it looks perfectly secure!

  • DrZanz

    A waist high picket fence? are we serious? Both points of entry on the same side of the house, both not defensible from the high ground? A standard wooden fucking door?
    Over-sized coffin.

  • Joel

    Razor tape isn't much of a deterrent against zombies. Zombies feel no pain or fear of slice wounds, so they would stumble right over/through it.

  • ODwanKenObi

    That's for the people, not the zombies. Non flammable shelter is the only way to go. Anyone wants u out. Just light a fire to get you out. This is a over glorified ridiculously expensive log cabin.

  • nominus

    So, there is no bathroom. I guess that's what the garden stinks for?

  • Zachary Zarko

    W/C = Water Closet = Bathroom

  • J Doe

    I'm getting very tired of this trend of frivolous items being marketed as "anti-zombie tech" just so they can be sold to people who will never use them. Example: white suburbanites buying bladed shovels and hand axes because "you'll never know when a zombie apocalypse will strike!"

  • Bubbubsky

    Eh, there's a market for everything. If people are dumb enough to buy it, then kudos to the seller.

  • Johnny Bigrig

    It beats their next best choice of a marketing campaign aimed towards drug lords and cultists.

  • AND it comes with a 10 year ant-zombie guarantee.

    Shame I don't have the space for it.
    Or the money.
    You'd most likely never get planning permission from the council.
    Stupid log cabin.

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    Ant-zombies like these?

  • Ant-zombies creep me out more than people-zombies.

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