Fart Code is a free app that allows you to scan barcodes and determine how bad the ingredients in what you're about to eat are going to make you bust awful, brain-cell killing farts. You just scan a code and it brings up a list of ingredients that are known toot-producers, and how serious that flatulence might be. SPOILER: Deadly.
If that's not enough to for you, Fart Code also mimics the sound of the fart, and vibrates to match the effect said fart would have on your digestive system. For example, we scanned a bottle of hickory-flavored barbecue sauce and were surprised to get a "Gross" fart rating, with the culprit ingredient being fructose.
Of course, everybody is different. I could eat Taco Bell for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and have before) and not hear a single note from the wind section of my ass orchestra. Then I eat ONE BITE of Ben & Jerry's and produce the kind of fart that you know is going to hurt when it finally dries in your underwear. "Maybe you're lactose intolerant." MAYBE YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR.
Thanks again to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he normally takes the stairs but will take the elevator if there are other people riding just to burn their nostrils.