Not Surprised: Florida Woman Named Cherries Waffles Tennis Has Turned To A Life Of Crime

September 5, 2014


In news that shouldn't surprise anybody who's familiar with Florida, a woman whose parents seriously named her Cherries Waffles Tennis was arrested in Miami after trying to use a fraudulent credit card to buy, among other things, a $400 spear gun. Thankfully, she and her accomplices were apprehended before they did whatever the hell they were going to do with that spear gun.

Cherries Waffles Tennis, 19, Vincent Mitchell, 19, and Paul Miller, 22, walked into Ground Swell Surf Shop on Donald Ross Road trying to buy two Ray Ban sunglasses worth $500 and a $100 GoPro camera.

Tennis asked the clerk to punch in the credit-card number instead of swiping it. The clerk became suspicious and declined the sale, according to an arrest report made public Wednesday.

The suspects then entered Scuba Works on U.S. 1 south of Indiantown Road in Jupiter and bought a $400 spear gun. They bought a GoPro camera from Kite Paddle Wake, at U.S 1 and South Beach Road, the report said.

Police said they spotted the suspects as they were leaving a gas station. Cherries Tennis told police that her aunt gave her a credit card to use but did not know where it was when police asked.

So they managed to score a spear gun and a GoPro camera. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. What the hell were they going to do, film themselves robbing an underwater branch of the First Bank of Atlantis? Freeze, fish-people, this is a stickup! God willing, they would have all been eaten by the shark security guards.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who agrees she does kind of look like a Cherries Waffles Tennis.

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