Jack The Ripper Allegedly Identified Via DNA Evidence

September 8, 2014

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According to DNA samples obtained from a blood-soaked shawl by one of the victims, some forensic scientists allege they've identified the 1888 serial killer Jack the Ripper. The culprit? A Polish immigrant named Aaron Kosminski (who has always been one of the six major suspects). Never trust anyone named Aaron -- that's the real lesson here. "HEY!" All you Aarons, please, like we don't know you're just going to lie to us.

Now, with the help of the latest developments in forensic science, DNA evidence on the shawl of Catherine Eddowes, one of Jack the Ripper's victims, has shown that one of the key suspects in the Whitechapel killings was indeed Jack the Ripper.


According to Mirror UK, Louhelainen compared the 126-year-old DNA from the victim's shawl to the DNA of the victim's relatives as well as the DNA from the suspects' relatives and found one of the suspect's in the case was a perfect match - a Polish immigrant named Aaron Kosminski who moved to London from Russia in the early 1880′s.

Kosminski was a 23-year-old hairdresser in London when the killings took place, and he resided a few hundred yards away from one of the victims' residence. Reports say that Kosminski was most likely a paranoid schizophrenic. At the time of the murders, the police had no evidence to convict Kosminski, but he was kept under surveillance and stayed in mental asylums until his death.

So there you have it -- Jack the Ripper was a Polish immigrant hairdresser and not a time-traveling sicko like most experts suspected. "No experts suspected that." Well I did. "Yeah, but you're, well...you know." WHAT? WHAT AM I?! SPIT IT OUT. "Not that smart." Oh, I thought you were going to say something else. Yeah, I'm pretty f***ing stupid. If I were a crayon, you know which one I'd be? "The dullest one in the box?" Worse. "The one your dog ate and is coming out as little colorful pieces mixed with shit?" Exactly. I'm the crayon adding a pop of color to a dog's turds.

Thanks to Dave and Genevieve, who agree they might have solved this one just a little too late.

  • Will
  • Johnny Bigrig

    This doesn't even come close to passing the smell test, the second you read it. It'd be a way bigger deal than some gossip rags.. And sure enough, the article alone shows how flimsy it is..

    "“Because of the genome amplification
    technique, I was able to ascertain the ethnic and geographical
    background of the DNA I extracted. It was of a type known as the
    haplogroup T1a1, common in people of Russian Jeweish ethnicity. I was
    even able to establish that he had dark hair. Now that it’s over, I’m
    excited and proud of what we’ve achieved, and satisfied that we have
    established, as far as we possibly can, that Aaron Kosminski is the
    culprit."

    "AS FAR AS WE POSSIBLY CAN" Wow.. ringing endorsement. You've proven it's common in people Russian Jewish ethnicity.. Is it also common in other ethnicity's? Because that's the common parlor trick of people pushing conspiracy theory "facts." "The blood was red, which is common in Russian JEws!" Ringing evidence, indeed.

  • Guest

    teh most fameous cerial killer of england was a joo and a immagrant acept it bro is FACT

  • Johnny Bigrig

    Not to mention that DNA testing has been around for what.. 3 decades.. You think they'd have tried that already..

  • David

    I still think it was a group of murderers

  • Guest

    I've been pushing the hooker suicidepact theory myself.
    I find it more entertaining

  • David

    Couldn't have removed their organs themselves

  • Guest

    bullshit. if they cando that coldcases from this century have no excuse

  • David

    The had DNA evidence from one of the victims, & it took a long time to gather the DNA of the suspects.

  • editdroid2

    Uhh, this is not solved. This investigation was headed by an amateur sleuth after seeing the movie From Hell starring Johnny Depp. His science is suspect, and none of the results have been confirmed by other forensic scientists. But your post now gives news websites the ability to say "sources say..."

  • Ad

    wait, you are saying Johnny Depp is the real Jack The Ripper?

  • OhCaptainMyCaptain

    heck yeah, Geekologie is a source!

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