I Must Try It: Space Whiskey Returning To Earth Soon

September 4, 2014


Scottish whiskey distiller Ardbeg managed to send some whiskey up to the International Space Station in 2011 as part of an experiment to see how alcohol matures in microgravity. And now, three years later, it's about to return to earth via a Russian space capsule. Obviously, I plan on intercepting the capsule and stealing the space booze in an elaborate villainous plot. MWAHAHAHAHAHA. You'll never stop me, Mr. Bond!

Ardbeg's vials will return to Earth on Sept. 11 on board a Russian Soyuz space capsule that is ferrying NASA astronaut Steve Swanson and Roscosmos cosmonauts Alexander Skvortsov and Oleg Artemyev. The Soyuz TMA-12M will parachute onto the Kazakhstan Steppes and the whisky samples will be rushed to Houston so tests can be carried out.

After arriving in the Houston lab, "it will be the team's task to proceed to unlock the mysteries of maturation, through the study of the interaction between Ardbeg-crafted molecules and charred oak, both in micro-gravity (in orbit) and normal gravity (in Ardbeg's Warehouse 3)," says the company's website.

Hmm, so maybe it would be easier to steal the booze on its trip to Houston rather than intercepting the space capsule returning to earth. I might be an evil villain, but I'm an evil villain on a budget. Actually, now that I think about it this seems like a lot of work for a couple vials of whiskey. Plan B: you drive me to the liquor store and we forget all about this.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S and Flux Fluxer, both of whom have great evil villain henchman names. You're hired!

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