Handcuff It To Me: Beer Briefcase Carries 6 Beers In Style

September 9, 2014

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This is the Beer Briefcase available from Perpetual Kid ($45, although you could make your own out of any briefcase and some foam padding). It holds six beers. It doesn't cool them or anything, it just keeps them well protected. Although if you show up at my place with this thing and you'll probably get asked to leave. Just not before I jimmy the lock and steal your beers.

It's Friday night, and you want to bring a 6-pack of your best beer to a friends house party. Ordinary bland people would just use the flimsy cardboard carrier they came in risking damage to the beers in transit and showing zero originality. But not you. You want to make a statement and arrive in style. YOU put YOUR beers in our secret service looking Beer Briefcase.


In this second to none, brewski carrying device, each bottle will be nestled in its own foam cutout spot and protected from any unnecessary clanging against its neighbor. This seriously fun metallic case immediately elevates your status at the party and people want to get to know the guy with the beer carrying case! Cha-Ching! You win.

No need to lose your head worrying about someone stealing your secret stash of dank beers! This bad boy comes with dual combination locks!

Beer not included. 100% not compatible with hipsters.

100% not compatible with hipsters? What does that even mean? Is it because they only drink PBR cans? I don't get it. I feel like this would be a MUST HAVE hipster accessory. Like a girlfriend who spends $300 at Anthropologie to look like she shops at the thrift store.

Thanks to Marcus O, who carries beers the way God intended: already in his belly.

  • Eleazar Rios
  • Looks like a "Dave"

    When I was 18 or 19 (underage) I wanted to hide the cans of beer I was going to take to a party. I noticed my tool box seemed to have the perfect dimensions. I took out the tools, and without the top tray I could fit two rows of cans, perfectly lined up, nestled together. I forget how many, but at least ten. So I walked into the party carrying a tool box, as if I'm there to fix something. My buddy, Doug, was like "What the fuck!?" until I opened the box.

  • S.M. Archer

    Doesn't keep the beer cold? This is obvs hipster. Serves no point but to look "cool". I hate people.

  • Heineken Skywalker

    Half of the bottles are upside down - yeah, that's a great idea...

  • zin

    A smart courier would fill it with decoy bottles. The crooks will never know they're drinking my paralyzingly-delicious piss.
    He'd then have a decoy courier take it down the Royal Bier Path while he himself ducks through the Desert of Doom!

    ...Does it antigravity?

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