Uh-Oh: Solar Energy Plant Setting Birds On Fire In Midair

August 21, 2014


A BrightSource solar energy farm in the Mojave Desert of California is under fire *pats myself on the back* after it's been discovered that thousands of birds have been set aflame from the farm's 300,000 focused mirrors. Wow, I feel like that's poor planning. Or, sadly and much more likely, not-giving-a-shit planning.

More than 300,000 mirrors, each the size of a garage door, reflect solar rays onto three boiler towers each looming up to 40 stories high. The water inside is heated to produce steam, which turns turbines that generate enough electricity for 140,000 homes.

Federal wildlife officials said Ivanpah might act as a "mega-trap" for wildlife, with the bright light of the plant attracting insects, which in turn attract insect-eating birds that fly to their death in the intensely focused light rays.

Estimates per year now range from a low of about a thousand by BrightSource to 28,000 by an expert for the Center for Biological Diversity environmental group.

Solar energy: good. Flaming birds: not good. Clearly they need to install some sort of force-field around the facility. Do those exist yet? Those should exist. Maybe we could barter with aliens for the technology. You teach us your force-field technology, and we'll give you, uh, do we even have anything you want? "Zip zap bzzzzrt." Got it, us to die and you take the planet. Not gonna lie, I did see this coming.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he conveniently misplaced the environmental impact report about the facility before it opened.

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