Home Run To Happiness: The Kickball Ice Cream Maker

August 27, 2014


This is the Kickball Ice Cream Maker available from Hammacher Schlemmer ($35). It's like the spherical plastic ice cream makers that have existed forever, except softer and kickable. Just like the head of an enemy. I'm going to kick it so f***Ing hard the ice cream compartment opens up and we wind up making dirt cream.

Simply place cream, sugar, vanilla or other flavoring into the ball's food-safe sealed compartment and ice and rock salt into a second compartment and start toe-flicking, back-heel kicking, or spinning the ball. It makes up to one pint of ice cream after only 20 minutes of play. The ice cream maker's soft rubber exterior withstands repeated kicks and rolls, and the ingredient compartment's 4" diameter opening makes it easy to scoop out churned ice cream. Weighing less than 4 lbs. and about the size of a volley ball, the unit is easy to pack and carry to vacation homes or cottages.

Did you read that? It said it's easy to pack and carry to vacation homes or cottages. That's a relief, because I was genuinely concerned it might not be easy for me to pack and carry to my cottage. You know, the one in the woods. I'm kidding, the only cottage I own is cheese, and that shit's already a week and a half past its expiration date. For the record, I will still be eating it.

Thanks to lilco, who agrees the best ice cream is kissed from the lips of a lover. Amen to that! AhOOOOga, HUBBA HUBBA!

  • GeekVariety... Yet again douching up another post.

  • RY33

    Or you could play kick ball and go to Dairy Queen. Just saying...

  • zin

    Waiting for this to become commonplace enough to be featured in anime. Someone kicks it too hard, it lands on schoolgirls & pops open, VANILLA ICECREAM BUKAKKE! kya~n! nani kore~! nuru nuru shite kimochi waru~i!

  • Just.....just NO!

    The fact that something like this exist means humans should not!

    Someone spent time, money and effort on this and then actually made it a reality!

    The human race is too fucking stupid to survive, I honestly hope an asteroid hits the planet and kills us all so that we cant infect the rest of the galaxy with our pointless fucking shit like this....

  • Ed

    It totally makes a useful contribution; it's perfect for getting fat kids to exercise.

  • zin

    Only to be followed by gorging themselves on the fruits of their labors, then exercise, then eat then exercise then... It's a vicious cycle of obesity, diabetes & heart-attacks.

  • Bling Nye

    ...says the guy/girl with a custom action figure store.


  • That's fine, comparing art to, a fucking soccer ball with ice cream inside of it.

    You're argument is not without merit if we consider the fact that everything is pointless and will fade into meaningless sand dunes and snowdrifts, then sure you are justified in calling out my hypocrisy on the matter.

    But what I do, what I create is art, sculpture, charity. As you are correct in pointing out that my efforts are no less meaningless in the cosmic scale of things, I would place more meaning and value in what I do than the equivalent Chindogu.

    Nothing matters aside from the immediate value of the item in the moment and what I do while meaningless in the long run but feels more valuable than a ice cream soccer ball.\

    But who am I to say, I am obviously biased.

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