11 Years To Die: Sex Robots 'Commonplace By 2025'

August 15, 2014


Seen here hanging out with my uncle Wes the exact kind of guy I'd expect to be having sex with a robot, a synthetic sexbot poses with her owner. And now, according to a 66-page report (links to PDF) titled "AI, Robotics, and the Future of Jobs," sex robots will be commonplace by 2025. Hell, they could already be commonplace and we wouldn't even know it because who's going to admit to banging the silicone sex-bot they keep covered with a pile of dirty clothes in the back of their closet? I sure as hell wouldn't. And, for the record, I do not own a sex robot. I'd show you my closet to prove it too, I just don't want you to get the wrong idea from the all voodoo paraphernalia (but I will bring your pet back to life for a price).

The report basically consists of a bunch of experts waxing lyrical about what the world will look like in 2025 if robots and AI continue to advance at the same scary pace of the last few years. Almost every expert agreed that robots and AI will no longer be constrained to repetitive tasks on a production line, and will permeate "wide segments of daily life by 2025." The experts are almost perfectly split on whether these everyday robots will be a boon or a menace to society, though -- but more on that at the end of the story.

While the report is full of juicy sound bites from experts such as Vint Cerf, danah boyd, and David Clark, one quote by GigaOM Research's Stowe Boyd caught my eye. By 2025, according to Boyd, "Robotic sex partners will be a commonplace, although the source of scorn and division, the way that critics today bemoan selfies as an indicator of all that's wrong with the world."

So basically robots will have all our jobs, and we'll be having sex with them. Ever been a robot's sex-slave before? Well you better get used to it. Me? I ain't blowing no robot to pay my rent after it steals my job. "Then what are you gonna do?" Honestly, probably be dead by then. Good luck with your own ass though. Maybe fill it with water and hope your lover short-circuits.

Thanks to Thaylor H, who agrees whenever sex-bots are commonplace, the devil has won.

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