Strip Club Cash Shooting Hand Cannon Makes It Rain Easy

July 10, 2014


You ever made it rain before? I did once. I had to sacrifice two goats and perform a sacred ritual under the full moon. It was all very messy and I regret not just trying to bribe Storm. You ever made it rain IN A STRIP CLUB? I have not. Although it would be funny to see the strippers slippy-sliding around in their super high-heels, I can't imagine all that water would be good for the light and sound systems. Nobody wants to get electrocuted just trying to see some titties. This is the $60 Cash Cannon, a gun that shoots paper money with a squeeze of the trigger. Don't have any paper money? Shoot playing cards or Burger King coupons! I'm sure the strippers will love that. Who in their right mind is gonna turn down a discounted Whopper? Have I ever told you I went to a strip club in West Virginia where throwing change was acceptable? Just let that sink in. The strip club was also a double-wide trailer. Let that sink in too. I was born in West Virginia, those are my people. Though my path may wander up and down, my heart will stay in my hometown. Hit it, John Denver.

♫ I hear her voice in the mornin' hour she calls me

The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin' down the road I get a feeling
That I should have been home yesterday

Country roads, take me home
to the place I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Momma
Take me home, country roads ♫

I really do get choked up and shed a tear every time I hear that.

Keep going for a video of the cannon in action, plus 'Take Me Home, Country Roads' because I can't think about it and not listen to it.

Thanks to lilco, who agrees making it rain is cool, but making lightning strike is really where it's at. Plus if you could summon tornadoes, that would be awesome too.

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