Hammer Time: Marvel Announces Thor Is A Woman Now

July 16, 2014

woman-thor.jpg

In case you haven't heard because Geekologie is your only news source (which is probably the smartest decision you've ever made), Marvel announced on The View (solid platform) yesterday that Thor is going to be a woman now. Like, a woman is going to pick up Thor's hammer and become Thor and NOT undergo gender reassignment surgery which would be way more progressive and shame on Marvel for not at least considering it. Although, honestly, I bet they did.

"This is not She-Thor," senior writer Jason Aaron said in a Marvel release. "This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR. This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it's unlike any Thor we've ever seen before."

Wait -- I thought Thor was already a lady. Who was that woman that played her in the movies? "Chris Hemsworth?" Yeah -- her. She's pretty. "That's a dude." Whaaaaaat? But all that long flowing hair and smooth skin. "He's a dude." And Legolas from Lord of the Rings? "Also a dude." Damn, I need to lie down and try not to think about all the times I've masturbated to those two.

Thanks to everyone who sent this, at least half of which felt the need to swear they don't watch The View.

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