Why Am I Not Surprised?: Facebook Ran An Unethical, Psychological Experiment On Users

June 30, 2014

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In news that shouldn't surprise anybody who knows Facebook is actually run by the heartless Illuminati, the company has admitted to conducting an arguably unethical emotion-altering experiment on some users to gauge just how easily it will be over to take over the world via social media. SPOILER: like taking candy from a diabetic. *snatching Twix* THAT SHIT WILL KILL YOU.

The researchers, who are affiliated with Facebook, Cornell, and the University of California-San Francisco, tested whether reducing the number of positive messages people saw made those people less likely to post positive content themselves. The same went for negative messages: Would scrubbing posts with sad or angry words from someone's Facebook feed make that person write fewer gloomy updates?


Some people were fed primarily neutral to happy information from their friends; others, primarily neutral to sad. Then everyone's subsequent posts were evaluated for affective meanings.

The upshot? Yes, verily, social networks can propagate positive and negative feelings!

The other upshot: Facebook intentionally made thousands upon thousands of people sad.

In Facebook's defense, I conduct unethical experiments on readers every day. I have basically made it my job to toy with your emotions. Plus I've started to get into brainwashing. *waving pocket watch* You are getting verrrrrry sleepy. "That's hypnosis, not brainwashing." Yeah, well I f*** with that too. Now shut up and get sleepy, once you're under I'm going to get you to draw a penis on your own forehead.

Thanks to TonyPepparoni, who is just as good in an Italian sub as on a pizza.

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