The Oldest Pair Of Pants In The World (Are Over 3,000 -- In Surprisingly Good Shape)

June 4, 2014

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These are believed to be the oldest pants in the world, recently excavated from a tomb in China. They belonged to a nomadic herder, who likely wore them for riding horseback. When I'm riding horseback? Full knight's armor and a flaming lance.

With straight-fitting legs and a wide crotch, the ancient wool trousers resemble modern riding pants, says a team led by archaeologists Ulrike Beck and Mayke Wagner of the German Archaeological Institute in Berlin. The discoveries, uncovered in the Yanghai graveyard in China's Tarim Basin, support previous work suggesting that nomadic herders in Central Asia invented pants to provide bodily protection and freedom of movement for horseback journeys and mounted warfare, the scientists report May 22 in Quaternary International.

Damn -- 3,000 years old and they still look better than most of my jeans. Mine have like, way more holes. No lie, yesterday I was at Home Depot and looked down and there was my penis, peeking out a hole at the knee.

Thanks to Irina, who agrees it's only a matter of time before they're selling rip-off versions at Urban Outfitters.

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