Hurricanes With Women's Names Kill More Because People Don't Respect Them As Much, Prepare Properly

June 2, 2014


In news that's hard for me to wrap my simple mind around, a recent study has discovered that hurricanes with female names have historically killed more people because folks don't take them as seriously as male-named hurricanes, and don't prepare as well. Wait -- what? What the hell is wrong with people?! You could name a hurricane Little Miss Prissypants and I'm still gonna lock myself in a bomb shelter for the week.

Researchers at the University of Illinois and Arizona State University examined six decades of hurricane death rates according to gender, spanning 1950 and 2012. Of the 47 most damaging hurricanes, the female-named hurricanes produced an average of 45 deaths compared to 23 deaths in male-named storms, or almost double the number of fatalities.

The difference in death rates between genders was even more pronounced when comparing strongly masculine names versus strongly feminine ones.

"[Our] model suggests that changing a severe hurricane's name from Charley ... to Eloise ... could nearly triple its death toll," the study says.

Sharon Shavitt, study co-author and professor of marketing at the University of Illinois, says the results imply an "implicit sexism"; that is, we make decisions about storms based on the gender of their name without even knowing it.

"When under the radar, that's when it [the sexism] has the potential to influence our judgments," Shavitt said.

I have to admit, people are stupid. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's to be deathly afraid of women. I would take a guy with a knife pointed at my throat over an angry woman any day of the week -- INCLUDING SUNDAYS. Who are these people who aren't taking female-named hurricanes seriously? Why is Hurricane Nicole not scary enough to get people to take the proper precautions? "Because her last name is Nicole." BUT HER FIRST NAME IS F***ING 'HURRICANE'.

Thanks to Allison, who agrees if people aren't smart enough to take a female-named hurricane seriously, it's best to just let Darwin do his thing.

  • Gasbandit

    I agree with MftS on

    <mfts> Who the f@%& is the one naming hurricanes?
    <mfts> They somehow manage to give them the least threatening names ever.
    <mfts> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take that slut."
    <mfts> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Dicksmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the house, shove it in my pockets, and get the f@%& out of there.

    So we need Hurricane Dicksmasher. Hurricane Bonebreaker. Hurricane Soulcrusher. Hurricane Skullgrinder. Hurricane Sledgehammer. And so on.

  • boucleinfinie

    we should start giving them unisex names like "cody," Addison," or "Morgan."

    I particularly like the name "Stormy" in this case.

  • ClinkinKY

    I will be hunkering down when Hurricane Hillary hits. And I live "inland":)

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    If this turns out to be a real phenomenon I doubt it that it's because we don't take female named Hurricanes seriously. It's much more likely because we all instinctively think of masculine things as presenting a greater physical threat, and that we're all pretty stupid too...

  • Closet Nerd

    If something swallows that much sea men, it should have a girls name
    ....just sayin

  • Closet Nerd

    Actually, I lied. It should have my name.
    ....just sayin

  • Rick Thomas

    surprised no one mentioned the patriarchy and other feminist phrases about how life isn't fair

  • Shawn Rebelo

    This article is stupid.

    "I rather had a knife at my through than an angry women" What kind of ass hat nonsense is that? Uh, der... lets R speak in nonsense to get point across. Uh der."

    I swaer, the people writing these things must have lived under rocks. Have no life experience and just spew nonsense out of their mouths.

  • Lu Cho

    this is hilariously wrong in so many ways!

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Now, if we look at the strength of these hurricanes, can we determine whether or not there's a correlation between name gender and strength, and then that may give us a reason for the increased death rates?

    I was gonna joke and say, "ZOMG!! PATRIARCHY!!!" and then I read the explanation. Now I feel like I can't even joke anymore. The world has already beat me to the punchline. I think I understand the cynical nature of the Comedian.

  • thegreyman

    Let's see. Hurricanes started having female names in 1953. Male names were included from 1979 on. So the study compared 59 years of female named storms, vs 33 years of male named storms. So twice as many female named hurricanes produced twice as many fatalities.

    Wow. Thanks for that. Is this what passes for peer reviewed science these days?

    The only thing this proves is that yankees shouldn't be allowed to study hurricanes. If you ain't in the path, stick to blizzards.

  • Andreas

    They compared averages, not total death tolls for each group. That there supposedly were twice as many storms with female names is irrelevant at that stage.

  • Broseph

    it means about 2/3 female statiatics predate all the males.....when did hurricane resistant construction become wide spread? what changes were there to evacuation in that time? ect. it introduces many unnecessary variables that can skew resukts and aparently weren't watched for

  • disqus_k2QxOV9H7Z

    Did they took into account that they population of the United States was higher in 1990 than in 1950?

    Probably the areas subjected to hurricanes have much more people now than them.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    How is it a scientific study? It's just statistics. That's not science. That's math.

  • asdfasdfasdf

    its barely even math.... the way you can twist numbers to fit predetermined results its more like the so called "polisci"

  • asdfasdfasdf

    based on this data I have come to the life saving conclusion that all hurricanes should be changed to male names to reduce their severity. where is my government check for being awesome?

  • asdfasdfasdf

    lol university of illinois. providing no reasoning(worth mentioning) and jumping to the conclusion of sexism :P

  • ZerglingPack

    Seriously... I hope factors like how powerful the hurricane was would also play a factor in the death toll. Also where said hurricane made landfall would be a major determining factor. But you know what fuck logic. Everyone hurricanes now have genders and the female ones are trying to prove they are just as good if not better then the male ones. No other factors are involved just plain old sexism.

  • asdfasdfasdf

    I blame pms

    (and maybe the "cerese lanister" (or maybe Indira gondi) type penis hatred/insanity whipping the storm into a frenzy which is why so many of them go after flordia)

blog comments powered by Disqus
Previous Post
Next Post