Fill The Oceans With Concrete: Unknown Monster Ate A 9-Foot Great White Shark

June 6, 2014

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In news that I really didn't need to remind me to never venture out in the ocean past my ankles, scientists are stumped as to what the hell ate a 9-foot great white shark. What do you think it was? A bigger, cannibal great white shark? Your guess is good as mine, unless you guessed Ursula, in which case your guess is better because I guessed Long John Silver or Capain D (I took two guesses).

Scientists in Australia tagged a healthy 9-foot great white shark as part of program to track these animals. Four months later they found the tracking device washed up on a beach. Something--something really big--had eaten this apex predator.


The recovered device showed a rapid temperature rise and a sudden 1,900-foot change in depth. That's all the information the scientists have.

Whoa whoa whoa -- a rapid temperature rise and a 1,900-foot change in depth? That can only mean one thing. "The Kraken." YEP, it was the f***ing Kraken. Jk jk, I think it was my roommate's mom. She did look 900-pounds heavier the last time she visited. Plus I had to the take the rap for the bong my roommate left on the coffee table.

Keep going for a video.

Thanks to Melissa, who's convinced it was Poseidon getting ready for his annual shark BBQ this weekend.

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