Cozy Room: An Expensive, Private Computer Chamber

June 25, 2014


This is the Cozy Room, a personal computer station that seals itself off from the rest of the world as soon as you roll your chair in. They cost around $8,000. For reference, that's pretty expensive for something I could build out of plywood over the course of a weekend. Don't have $8,000 or any carpentry skills? Looks like you're just going to have to wait until your roommate leaves so you can masturbate. Or stop caring and do it laying in the middle of the hallway like I do. "Come on, not again!" I mentioned it in the Craigslist ad, Derek -- you signed up for this. Rub my feet.

The Japanese manufacturers of Cozy Room describe it as a "relaxation room for man and woman." Unfortunately, any thoughts of sharing some alone time together with your significant other are shattered by the fact that Cozy Room is only designed to hold one person at a time. The whole thing measures 205 x 120 cm (81 x 47 in), but that shrinks considerably when the chair is pushed in to encase the incumbent on all sides.

Cozy Room comprises a single, high-backed chair which slides into a cubicle, the back of the chair becoming the fourth wall of the square unit. Inside is a desktop for a laptop or keyboard, room to hang a TV or monitor, an LED light, a display rack for action figures, and enough drawers and shelves to store all of your favorite personal belongings.

I'm not really sure who needs this. Do you not have a bedroom with a door? Plus what stops a roommate or coworker from duct-taping or plastic-wrapping you in there once you pull your seat in? Then it just becomes an expensive coffin. And if there's one thing I don't want to do, it's to die trapped in front of a computer. In front of a charging lion, sure. But I want my last words recorded as, "I've got this son of a bitch!" and not, "Mufasa, please don't!" like they probably will be.

Keep going for a couple more shots in case you aren't sure if this is the Darth Vader inspired masturbation and relaxation station you're looking for.





Thanks to Andreas, who just hangs a comforter from the side of his bunkbed like a normal person.

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