WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!: World's Tallest Waterslide Opening Delayed After Test Riders Catch Air

May 27, 2014

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Remember the 17-story Verrückt water slide that was being built at the Schlitterbahn park in Kansas City? Well it was supposed to open this last weekend. The only problem is, the first round of test riders caught air near the bottom of the main ramp, leading the park to question the ride's safety. Pfft, just put netting over the slide and tell riders they're SUPPOSED to catch air. Boom -- problem solved. Damn, I should work at Disneyland. "GW! Another kid just fell out of Space Mountain!" Uh oh. *flicking syringe* Bring him to my brainwash chamber. "Seriously?" No, give him an ice cream and some Mickey ears and make them sign away their right to sue. "Then what's in the syringe?" Steroids -- I've been injecting them straight into my penis and I'm not going to stop until it can bench press 220 on its own. "Why 220?" That's how much my roommate's mom weighs.

Thanks to lilco, who agrees a ride without the risk of bodily injury is hardly a ride worth taking.

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