UN Discussing Ban On Autonomous Killer Robots

May 14, 2014

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The UN is currently discussing a potential ban of robots that can kill autonomously. GOOD. The last thing we need is a bunch of robots killing all willy-nilly because they had a bad day at the sprocket factory. Honestly, no robot should even have the power to kill. Only God should be able to have the power to kill, and I'm still not thrilled he took my guinea pig.

Semi-autonomous machines -- in this case, mostly drones -- have already killed thousands of humans, and world leaders believe that lethal, fully autonomous machines could follow soon enough to make them worth discussing.


The group will try to come to a consensus on the definition of an autonomous weapon, which can presumably refer to anything from an autonomous humanoid robot to a fully autonomous drone, then discuss legal and ethical questions behind the use of such weapons. The meeting is expected to last all day on Tuesday and continue well into Friday, and speakers range from experts on intelligent weaponry to representatives of various nations.

Oddly enough, I was not invited to speak at the hearing despite my expertise on the subject. I blame the Illumanti. You think they aren't planning on harvesting the power of killer robots to rule the world's population? Clearly you don't have enough friends who are ape-shit into conspiracy theories. I seriously can't go five minutes without hearing about how chemtrails are making our dicks shrink.

Thanks to Mr. Coffee and Mechanicalescape, who were going to picket the meeting with me carrying anti-killer robot signs until we all realized we're out of vacation days.

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