Let's Go Halvsies!: Dracula's Castle Is Up For Sale

May 15, 2014


By halvsies I clearly mean ten-thousandies because the asking price is ~$80 million and even coming up with eight grand is going to be a stretch for me. Still, it's gonna make one badass time-share if we can make it happen! I call the master bedroom though since I found it.

Hilltop fortress Bran Castle is the eastern European country's biggest tourist attraction and attracts 560,000 visitors annually.

Mark Meyer, of Herzfeld and Rubin, a New York law firm handling the sale, said: 'If someone comes in with a reasonable offer, we will look at who they are, what they are proposing, and will seriously entertain the idea.'

Bloodsucking vampire Count Dracula may be fictional but he is said to have been based on the sadistic Vlad the Impaler, prince of Wallachia in the 15th century.

Bram Stoker is believed to have based his description of Dracula's castle as '. . . on the very edge of a terrific precipice . . . with occasionally a deep rift where there is a chasm [with] silver threads where the rivers wind in deep gorges through the forests' on that of Bran.

First of all, if we buy this thing I don't want half a million tourists coming to visit every year. I want zero. We don't need a bunch of strangers coming around trying to take pictures of our dungeons or whatever. That's our business. Secondly, sex parties: we aren't having any. Ever since I walked into an orgy in college I just can't deal with them. True story: I got home from the bar and came into the house through the kitchen door and there's two chicks with their asses in the sink and two dudes standing over them like they're about to wash vegetables or something. I never ate at home again.

Thanks to me, for forcing myself to relive that memory so one day I will finally be able to move past it.

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