I Don't Trust It: Pentagon Has A Zombie Apocalypse Plan

May 19, 2014


Because what good is accidentally causing a zombie apocalypse if you don't also have a plan to suppress it, the Pentagon has a strategy to deal with an outbreak of the undead. I do not trust it. In the event of a zombie apocalypse you should do the OPPOSITE of whatever the government tells you to. If they say stay inside, run outside. If they say run outside, board your door and windows and stay inside. If you think they have your best interest in mind you are WRONG. They are only trying to buy time to save their own asses and their rich friends. We are all worthless zombie fodder to them. *KABOOM!* That was the truth nuke I just set off.

The strategy, known as "CONPLAN 8888," is an unclassified document that lays out how the military would best respond to a potential zombie apocalypse. The plan's overall purpose is for the military to undertake operations to "preserve 'non-zombie' humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde."

CONPLAN 8888 follows a three-step approach to ensuring these goals by 1) maintaining a defensive perimeter to protect human life; 2) conducting operations that will eradicate zombie threats; and 3) aiding civil authorities in restoring law and order.

Listen: if a zombie apocalypse does happen (and it probably will at some point because this is the world we live in), it's every man for himself. I've seen enough movies and played enough video games to know how these things pan out. Why are you gonna trust the GOVERNMENT? They're probably the ones responsible for causing it in the first place. "You see what happened was, we were experimenting with a new biological weapon, and, well, you know how these things go..." Yeah, I do know how these things go. They go straight to hell in a f***ing handbasket. Here's my zombie apocalypse survival plan: grab my gun, and splatter my brains into pieces so small no zombie would even bother with them. "Jesus!" I'm kidding, I'm going to build a floating city of hot air balloons, you're just not invited.

Thanks to PYY, who agrees the government should be more concerned with developing a strategy to deal with an outbreak of deez nuts.

  • Elak Swindell

    Wow, a plan for something that can not and would not ever happen. Granted, I love Deaditte movies and the "Walking Dead" series, but come on, a dead body can not run around attacking people. An "infected" one can, but even then, if it is a necrosis-style virus, that infected individuals body will literally breakdown after a very short period. So, even if there was a zombie-like invasion of mass necrosis infected people, all you would need to do is holdout in a protected location for a week or so and wait for the wandering plague victims to literally die, then the world is free again.

  • Darcitus

    Odds are, if the zombie apocolypse did happen, it would be the Zombieland style zombie. In essence, Rabid humans, with possible pain receptor damage (i suppose thats to stop them from dropping at the first shot... my only guess as this is completely hypothetical). And if that were the case, and they hungered for flesh... the first few days would be a feeding frenzy... before eventually the hordes would just turn on each other in hunger... or die off. It is hypothetically possible... just not in the traditional "Living Corpse" sense. That is totally myth. Its rabies dawg. Rabies.

  • Elak Swindell

    Right with you there, though it doesn't have to be rabbies. There are many virus's that could create a zombie-like situation, but in the case of something like this, it would have to be quite strong, very resilient to curing (at least for awhile until someone did manage to create one) and cause necrosis (rotting of the body and a semi-quick death, one the body will not come back from).

  • just for your info, the US government use "zombie" as a generic term in every plan to talk about a terrorist menace. So it's nothing more than a anti-terrorist plan (read it again, you'll see).
    We do have the same thing in France. French gov use the term "Titan" to talk about terrorists. So we have plans to counter any "Titans attack".

  • Tyguy
  • Ollie Williams

    I hope the zombie apocalypse (to some sort of extent) becomes a reality in my lifetime.

  • Tyguy

    Iss gon rain!.....zombies

  • Ollie Williams

    I take back what I said about the zombie apocalypse if it's going to fucking rain zombies. Jesus christ.

  • Tyguy

    The pentagon's plan: save the rich, nuke the rest of it.

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