Go You: Teen Beats World's Fastest Texting Record

May 21, 2014


Marcel Fernandes, a 16-year old from Brazil has beaten the world's fastest texting record, typing the 25-word paragraph (seen on the screen above) in only 18.19 seconds, beating the previous record by 0.25 seconds. That's some intense competition! Just not one I'd watch on ESPN. Oh who am I kidding, I bet on the f***ing National Spelling Bee. Dammit kid, spell 'makemeajillionaire'.

The teenager comes by his texting speed honestly. He said his skill started developing in 2009, after the then-13-year-old grew frustrated with a wonky monitor on his desktop computer.

"So one day I got so stressed out about it that I literally took a hammer and broke my desktop monitor," he said in an e-mail. "With no money to buy a new one, I resorted to using exclusively my iPhone 3Gs, which I had at the time, to do everything that I needed to do.

"I basically lived, from that day on, using my smartphone."

OMG, I love stories that involve hammering computer monitors to death. Those are some of my favorites. I also love stories that involve people I don't like meeting misfortune. Haha -- Greg lost his job and got hit by a guy on a bicycle in the same day?! God I hate that guy. "Wow, you're going to hell, GW." Oh, is that what you think? *stands up, red-hot coals dripping from butthole* I'm already there.

Thanks again to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he texts random people, 'OMG YOU HAVE TO HELP I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED' and then never responds.

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